The Balanced Christian Life

This is a brief summary of part of the teaching last week. It was definitely more in depth and, well, deep, but I think this sums it up fairy well.

Things are going well, no worries. When there is news you will hear!

There are three parts to the Christian life that must be kept in balance. If one is emphasized more than the others, the true beauty of relationship with God will be compromised, and we will in live in frustration.

1. Being a child. (relationship, intimacy with God)

God is father, and we are His children. To keep close there must be communication. For Christians, that’s prayer. Prayer is conversation, talking to God, all day long. God wants to hear our voice. It’s not religion, it’s really all about relationship, praying because we want to get closer to God.

2. Becoming like Jesus.

Just as all children grown, we should be growing, changing the way we think and seeing with God’s

eyes. Our character and mind should look like Him.

3. Building the Kingdom.

As we have that close relationship with God and are becoming like Jesus, we will start to take on the priorities of God. Our question will not be, what can God do for me, but what can I do for God? His dream will become our dream.

Outreach Update

Hey guys! Most of you got this email but I wanted to make sure everyone got the word. Today it was announced that our DTS will split into two groups for outreach, one going to Guatemala and the other going to Fiji. We have till about monday to pray and decide where we each feel God is leading us.

I am just lost about it all, but not in a bad way. I'm just chilling, waiting for God to speak. I believe He will. There's a lot to weigh on each side.

But I just wanted to keep the update going.

Things are going well here, apparently at this time of the year it should be raining nonstop and so far it hasn't rained a drop! Yay God for dry and sunny weather! now if only there was a way to water the earth without the days being rainy.......

I'll keep you all posted!

love!

More Pictures of the Base

More Pictures from DTS

God Quotes my Poetry!

Hey everyone! It’s been 12 days that i’ve lived here in Chico, CA. i cant believe how fast and slow time can move at the same time! anyways, i wanted to try and wrap up this week for you all back home. it’ll probably be hard, and i may not be able to do it to completion, but hopefully some of it will speak to you. i know it’s spoken to me! ok so here goes, i’m going to try to diary it out for you day by day.

Sunday. January 14. 2007.

went to CityLight Church in Chico. the worship was really good, and the preaching was ok, encouraging but not amazing. one thing, the pastor used our DTS theme verse in his sermon. that was cool. (FYI, that verse is Jeremiah 33.3: “Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and might things, which you do not know.”) i went up for prayer about ‘future things’ and this super sweet lady prayed for me. i cried.

Monday, January 15. 2007.

in quiet time i sought revelation on Philemon 1.6. i still haven’t found where i want to be reading consistently, i’m kind of all over the place. “and i pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the knowledge of every god thing which is in you for Christ’s sake.” i didn’t get a whole lot, frustratingly. i just kind of defined the terms. you know.

We started a lecture topic this week taught by a guy named Jeshu Ram. “Hearing the Voice of God.” it started today. a few thoughts from lecture: “obedience releases God’s presence, but we should never obey for results. We obey to be obedient and to please God, not because of the results of our obedience.” “From Ephesians 1.17-19. revelation is not complete without application.” “Revelation does not come easy, it’s like treasure, it must be sought out.” “From John 10.1-5, Jesus the shepherd. Shepherds break the legs of the baby lambs to keep them from wandering off and being eaten. The shepherd then mends the leg and carries the lamb on his shoulder until the leg is healed, all the while speaking to the lamb so it will recognize his voice. in the same way God sometimes breaks us and mends us so that we rest on his shoulders and begin to recognize the voice of God.” “God wants to speak to you more than you want to hear from Him.”

These were some spastic but really cool things that i learned today. oh, and i cried.

Tuesday. January 16. 2007.

This is Lindsay Wade’s birthday! Happy birthday Lindz! today in quiet time i went back to something i had started before i left, a study into who all has seen God, what they saw, and then what they did in response. i was up to Genesis 28, where Jacob has his dream of the ladder to heaven. His response to seeing God was threefold: first it says he “He was afraid and said, how awesome is this place!” he fears God as response. the fear of God is a good response when we have seen Him because a glimpse of Him should bring our concepts of Him in line. Second, Jacob set up a pillar of remembrance, to remember the place where he had seen God. i think that my pillars of remembrance are my poetry and songs, but i’m not super purposeful in putting up my pillars. i think it’s necessary for when the times get rough and we need something to boost our faith. Third, Jacob made a vow to God. This response i wasn’t quite so sure about, because his vow had conditions, like “God if you do this, i’ll turn around and do that.” but a vow nonetheless is cool because it’s devotion and commitment. anyways, those were my thoughts from quiet time. in lecture we talked about how God should be the center of all avenues of our lives. what i’ve really appreciated so far about DTS is that everything revolves around the relationship with Christ. hearing God’s voice is all about the relationship, the intimate conversation that God desires to have with us. good stuff. i cried.

Wednesday. January 1 7. 2007.

Spent quiet time in prayer for friends and family back home. it was a good time. In lecture we talked about the hindrances that we face in hearing the voice of God. Here’s a truth, “the character of God doesn’t change because of the circumstances in our lives.” some of the hindrances are:

lack of love for God and others

unbelief

unforgiveness

pride

callused conscience

idols

immorality

occult

disobedience

fear of man

busyness

ungratefulness

unconfessed sin

condemnation

fear of making mistakes

comparing

then we came to the living room of the lodge where the leaders had built a fire. we spent time in quiet asking God to reveal to us if any of these things were hindering our walk with Him and our ability to hear His voice clearly. as God brought them to light we wrote them down, then one by one got up and confessed them publicly and threw them into the fire as a sign of leaving them behind. it was really powerful. i cried.

Thursday. January 18. 2007.

in quiet time i meditated on Romans 8.19: “for the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.” When Christ comes to set things right, all will be illumined and everything that was hidden will be revealed. We are all waiting for the revealing of God himself. i am a son (daughter) of God. that anxious longing is inside of me too. my anxious longing waits eagerly for…..

the revelation that i am a daughter of God? the truth of that fact? is that what my anxious longing is waiting eagerly for? i do wait to have it revealed to my that my true identity is as a child of God. and i agree that the anxious longing is inside of me. i yearn and eagerly desire revelation of the way things really are. Just some thoughts on that.

In lecture today, Jeshu, Bruce, and Stephen (the last two are staff members here on base) came in and ministered to us all in the DTS. it was a really cool time. i need to preface this. : )

we had worship first, and during worship i got this picture and sense that i was out to coffee with Christ. there we were, and i was sitting and telling God how cool He was and what i thought about Him. that was worship. then God told me to be quiet, and climb up on the chair with Him because HE wanted to talk to ME. He told me to wait patiently and just be satisfied with His nearness. : ) i was reminded later that this is my blog’s theme verse! that was cool. so i sat and waited patiently as most of the other people were ministered to. it was cool to just feel the closeness of my position with Christ and whisper in His ear my prayers for each one. and God spoke to me some of the same things that the speakers were feeling, which was confirmation that i can hear the voice of God. then it was my turn.

the first thing that was said confirmed what had been happening all morning, that i was waiting patiently and asking God what He wanted to say to me. then it flowed out. word after word of precious confirmation and truth. it was so sweet and tender. i don’t think that i can even begin to explain what happened, or list all of the things that were spoken over me, but if you email me for specifics i will do my best to give them to you! sorry. : ) needless to say, i cried.

Friday. January 19. 2007.

this morning in quiet time i spent the whole time trying to write down what had happened this week. then in lecture we took time and got quiet outside by ourselves and asked God two questions: 1. Lord Jesus, what do you think or feel about me? and 2. Lord Jesus, what are your plans and purposes for me?

this was a practical application of what we had learned all week, hearing the voice of God. this is where the title of this post comes in. the first thing that i felt God speaking to me was a line from a poem i had written to Him, that He was now speaking over me: “I speechless love your faithful face.” it blew me away. there were a lot of other things that i felt, but a lot of it was really personal and i’d rather not post it right now. maybe it will come. we all sat in a circle and shared what we had felt God spoke. i cried.

ok. so that’s my week in review.

i just want to encourage you all that God speaks, is speaking, and wants to speak more to you, each one of you. hearing His voice takes practice, and a willingness to trust God and step out in faith. it’s not some mystical thing that only happens to people who have known God forever and a day…..or just for their moms….but it’s for all believing Christians. God has things that He is probably saying to you and wouldn’t you like to know what they are! listen. take time in quiet. ask Him to clear your mind. make sure you don’t have any hidden sin confusing things. when you feel Him say something, when a thought comes across your mind, check it: does it go along with His word? does it glorify Jesus? does it match His character? is there a witness in your spirit? is there a witness with another person’s spirit? does it draw you closer to Jesus? if these things line up, step out in faith that you have heard God speak.

well it’s been a wonderful week of crying and learning and praying and listening. i’m so excited about what has happened this week. i’m sorry if this has been boring, and i’m very impressed if you’ve made it this far. i hope that through this Christ inspires you to listen for His voice. have a great week! email me! talk to me! i miss you all. love you!

peace --

kara

wrapping up the week.

Hello, and welcome to day 6 of life in Chico, CA. This will be fast, because we're all about to watch Nacho Libre and chill out for the night.

This week went really well. Week 1 of DTS consists (in Chico) of orientation, a few base meetings, a lot of random getting-to-know-you stuff, good food, hikes in the canyon, going to Walmart in Chico, and in general having a swell time.

We did start lectures wednesday, and i'm really excited. i think that these 5 months will be amazing. absolutely wonderful!

A few things about our group: we're VERY loud. It's just like home!

Anyways. What did i learn this week? i learned.........a lot! That you can never know what to expect! And that's not a bad thing! i also learned a little bit of God's unconditional love. And in class we were meditating on Jeremiah 33.3, our school's theme verse:

call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.

During the meditating i was struck by the fact that God has promised to answer us, when we call. It was a reminder of His statement: "I WILL answer you"....i needed that. i've been frustrated at the silence i feel when i'm praying and waiting on God, frustrated at my impatience and lack of sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. i guess it's something you grow in. But anyways, it was an awesome reminder of God's faithfulness, that He is waiting for me to call to Him. He's not witholding His voice from me for any other reason than me not calling to Him. So i've decided to call to Him more often. i'll let you know how it all works out. :)

Tomorrow morning we're taking a van to City Lights, one of the local churches. There's also a Vineyard around that i would like to check out. We'll see.

Well, i just got the call to watch the movie, so i'm out for now. Love to you all, near and far away!

peace --

kara

Photo Album

Chico

Andrea and me! (roomie)

The Hotel

a thought from the word, for you.

through your faithful prayers and the generous response of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, everything He wants to do in and through me will be done. i can hardly wait to continue on my course.

Philippians 1.18-19 (MSG)

firsts from Cali!

Alright! So here i am, in Chico, California. yay. i am incandescently happy tonight. yesterday was spent arriving and settling in, meeting the other DTSers, the leaders, and the BLSers. ok a little background. i’m in the DTS, 15 students from all over. Alaska, Winnipeg, Jersey, Ohio (me), St. Louis, Colorado, a few from Cali, South Korea, Austria, London, Oregon. the BLS is the leadership school that runs alongside the DTS. there are maybe 5 BLSers? i’m not quite sure of the number. they hang with us, have lectures with us, and will go on outreach with us. and then we have the 6 leaders who are officially staffing this school.

so far everyone is super cool. my roomie is the one from Winnipeg, and she seems to be a really neat girl. i am enjoying ‘dorm life’! the base is absolutely beautiful, so far i haven’t taken any pictures of the buildings but i’m working on it. the grounds are breathtaking; so peaceful and calm. the buildings are older and brick and quaint. everything is comfortable and nice. clean. quiet. i approve.

this morning was breakfast, base meeting and worship, then orientation began. we did a base tour, played a game, ate lunch, talked about some rules, then dismissed. 11 of us took 3 cars into Chico to Walmart for necessities, In-n-out for dinner (go in-n-out! that place has good burgers), then the mall to walk around and shop. it was a fun bonding experience for us. one of the girls remarked on how odd it was to feel comfortable with strangers 24 hours after meeting them. we decided it has to be a God thing. i really think that God was personally involved in the details of this school, from who is here to who’s rooming with whom, and beyond. i’m not saying it won’t be hard, but i think it will be awesome because God is working to prepare us now. i’m excited.

i was reading in Colossians this morning, thinking about why i am here, and how i want to know God and His will for the next phase of my life. in 1.9-12 Paul writes:

“For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.”

right now this is my prayer for myself and for the other students in my school. that we would be filled with the knowledge of His will, in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, and that we would indeed walk in a manner worthy of the Lord. my heart’s desire is that we please Christ in all respects, and bear fruit and increase in knowledge. we’ll need strength from His glorious might to attain steadfastness and patience, and i pray too that we remember to be joyous and give thanks always.

the staff, in preparing for our arrival in prayer, chose verses for each of us. mine was Phillippians 4:4-7:

“rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: rejoice! let your gentleness be evident to all. the Lord is near. do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

i thought is was a cool connection then, to read this morning about being joyous. i’m reminded of the David Crowder song: “you are my joy”, and of the fact that Christ is all and in all. He is my hope, He is my joy, He is my salvation, He is my love, He is my redeemer, He is my friend, He is my father, He is my reward, He is my portion, He is my all. He is strength, He is peace, He is patience and perseverance. He is everything. “it is Your beautiful face i am waiting for, praying for, yearning for, wanting more of.” this is becoming my cry and i am so excited to find my life in Christ.

so, that’s a quick update from the west coast. i hope things are going well back home, and i’m praying for you from this side of the world. : ) thanks for your prayers and your support and your friendship!

blessings!

kara

good friends

my girls!















all da girls.....and baby tindor (in the womb). hey caleb! what's up baby? smooches from aunty Kara!!!

ack! and panic sets in. :)

so i'm pretty much all packed. not going to lie. and my countdown says that i have only 10 hours until i leave for chico. yikes. it's all setting in so fast. . .big finish Kara!

i'm just chilling. here with the padres and the sestra and brat (not brat like screaming spoiled child, but brat in bosnian, which means brother). putting the last minute touches on my luggage, cleaning my room, trying to make sure i have done everything i was supposed to.

last night was a huge blessing. my girls (Ton, Bethany, Shannon, and Marjorie) took me out for dinner. they blindfolded me leaving the house, after forcing me to dress up and wear a skirt (oh horrors!),

and took 30 minutes driving around randomly to get somewhere 13 minutes from my house. they are too good to me. then, we watched the new Pride and Prejudice. ooooooooooooooh. it's GOOOOOD (see my serious eyes in your mind's eye). halfway through Marjorie, Bethany, and Shannon went out for coffee for us all and T helped me roll some things for my suitcase. then we reconvened, finished the movie, and proceeded to have fun late into the night.

i love these girls! they really made last night fun.

so today i spent packing, weighing suitcases, unpacking, repacking, and weighing more and different suitcases. i think that i'm set to go. i'm about to go upstairs and clean my room and get it ready for me. . .absense. that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but so be it. i'm super tired! and will be waking up early, my flight leaves at 6 am.

well i guess that's all for the night, next time you here from me i will be in (hopefully) sunny Chico California!

peace! (to you and me. . .)

kara

last days

wow. wednesday of leaving week is here already. i guess this week has gone by super fast because of all the fun family activities we've had. . .they've taken my mind totally off of the fact that i'm leaving shortly. hmm.

so i officially quit kroger, i went in to work today so i can get vacation pay. gotta love vacation pay. :) apparently the social security office thinks that i am a man, so i have to go and fix that tomorrow. i'm definitely a female. go uncle sam.

said goodbye to my MHers and the other youth leaders today, that was sad. maggie: i miss you already! that's the last big thing this week for me, besides the actual leaving.

if i could offer life advice to anyone, i guess i'd say: (1) don't waste time, God's or yours, and (2) give it everything you've got. i have wasted a lot of time over the past 20 years focusing on what God was going to do in the future as opposed to what He was doing in the present. i regret being unfocused, divided. i hope that in the future my heart is undividedly Christ's. i was then thinking about how that kind of life takes perpetual surrender. giving it all you've got. really intentionally putting heart and soul into following Christ, into taking the same road He takes and walking in communion with Him on it. i hope that that is the kind of life i lead for the rest of my life. we've only just begun! so let me recount Hosea 6.3, one of my favorite verses:

"So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth."

may we press ever onward to the call of Christ Jesus! Glory to God in the highest, especially in these last days. talk to you all soon. . .

like old times.

i was sitting in the big room, with marjorie!, aleen!, josiah!, and jonathan!, when micah! runs in and attacks jonathan. they do the rough and tumble stuff like they used to, like they haven't for at least a year and a half. it's like old times.

i love it. all my brothers are home, and my sisters are all together again. time for new bondings, old memories, lots of laughs, conversation, and good food. one thing i realize? we're really, REALLY, loud. and. . . it's absolutely incredible. i'm grateful for family, and friendships within family, and time to spend together. thanks Jesus!

we haven't all been together for over a year, and won't all be together for at least another 5 months, and this is the last time without baby Tindor being present (outside of the womb). in a lot of ways, this is a special weekend. happiness overtakes me!

i hope your weekends are as fabulous as mine is sure to be.

blessings.

kara

The Theology of Glory

This is part of an interview i encountered online at www.boundless.org in this week's postings. if you haven't yet explored boundless i would encourage you to do so. it's just a pretty helpful resource on some interesting topics. i don't endorse everything they teach, but backed by Focus on the Family, it is fairly-reliable biblically. we should still test everything and only hold onto that which is good. i always need reminded of that.

anyways, this was cool for me to read. i enjoyed it, and hope that you do too!

for the official article online, click here. or, just read on. : )

A Theology of Grandeur

Charlie Jarvis: The theology of the United States and Evangelicalism is increasingly personalistic, familiaristic, friendship oriented, and what's missing is the Grandeur of the Lord. When you're missing the Grandeur of the Lord, what you ultimately look for are human relationships to give you the kinds of stability that you should only find in your identity with the Lord.

A "theology of grandeur" is built on the idea of "kabod," which is the Hebrew concept of "the crushing, heaviness of God and His Character." He is other than we are, and whenever someone comes into communication with Him directly, they fall on their knees.

In the theology of America, people are not falling on their knees; they're calling Jesus "my best friend" or they're finding Him to be a solution to some mundane problem, rather than having this overwhelming sense that Isaiah had when he was before the Lord of Hosts, when even God's identity as the "Lord of Hosts" was crushing in its weightiness. That's why every time someone impinges upon a Christophany [an appearance of the Messiah in the Old Testament], prior to Jesus coming as a child in Bethlehem, they are driven to their knees, and what's revealed is the Glory of the Lord.

What's fascinating is when Jesus is born in Bethlehem, the shepherds come running to tell the story of what had happened, and the Scriptures says that the Glory of the Lord shown around about them, and they were "sore afraid." They were so afraid they were sore is the way I like to think of it. In other words, they were deeply overwhelmed.

If you don't have a theology of grandeur, what you're going to be looking for in life are practical hints and techniques. You're going to look for what is typical of America, which is a theology of technology in which techniques bring happiness and order to your life. I'm not saying that technology and techniques in life aren't important. I'm just saying what people do is they replace the theology of glory with the theology of techniques and technology. That is, you have three steps to get a person to Christ, you have five steps to become a happy person, or you have 10 steps to get rid of whatever is plaguing you emotionally.

Boundless: What is the Church doing specifically to enable this loss of Grandeur?

Charlie Jarvis: Well, it's interesting. Because you look at the United States and the influence of the Church here today, and then you contrast that with the influence of the Church 225 years ago when it was at the core of society. It was defining outward from itself the reality of what life is, what's good and what's evil, what's acceptable and what's unacceptable, all of that. And in the last two centuries, what you have is the Church becoming more and more retreatist, in the face of scientism in the 19th century, of evolutionism in the 19th century and in this century technologyism. What you see are people basically becoming overwhelmed with a sense of what's around them and where things are going.

Simultaneous with that, you have a theology of escapism. The early Church prayed "Maranatha, come Lord Jesus" when they were nobodies. They prayed Maranatha and they took over the world within a few centuries. Since the 19th century, the Church in American prays Maranatha but then gives up every single area of authority in life.

Now that's not a blessing, that's a curse. What that is, literally, is ichabod. In the Scriptures, you will remember, that when the Lord leaves the temple, it says He pronounces ichabod. The word "kabod" is "glory;" "ichabod" means "the glory is departed." The glory has left. And what we've seen in this country is a gradual leaving of the glory from the Church. Now what are left are well-tested techniques and technologies of relationships and evangelism and that sort of thing. But what's missing is the core of purpose, which is the theology of the grandeur of God.

Boundless: Isn't it true, too, that the techniques are transient. People can treat them like New Year's resolutions, where they say, well, those techniques didn't work for me. I'll try something else.

Charlie Jarvis: And they go from book to book to book. There's never been a point in American history when there have been so many Christian books, magazines, albums, seminars, conferences, and even Christian churches for goodness sake, and yet never has the Church been less influential in the deepest and most profound sense of the word.

A Theology of Purpose

The second area of theology that's missing in America is what I would call a theology of purpose. What's our purpose? That's the question everyone should be asking. But if you have a very small view of the grandeur of God, you're going to end up with a theology of purpose that's driven by techniques; a Christian technology, or technique-orientated philosophy. If you're missing the core of the purpose of everything, which is that the kabod of God dwells in the midst of His people and reveals His Glory, you don't realize that in Him you have life.

Corinthians says that, "The god of this world has blinded the eyes of the unbelieving." What has he blinded them to? What's his purpose? "So that they might not see the light of the Gospel of the Glory of Christ." To this Paul adds, "Christ, Who is our life, when He appears, we shall appear with Him as well." Together, God is saying, "Look, I want to reveal my Glory through you." That's the theology of purpose.

So you start to realize it's not enough to look for three steps to that and five phases to that and six insights to that. "The purpose is to know God," Paul says, "and the power of His Resurrection." The Greek word for power here is dunatos and dunamous — the root word from which we get dynamite. What I read here is that when His resurrection authority is communicated to us through His glory, it means we're going to be exploded. All of our preconceptions will be exploded.

Why is it when Isaiah meets the Lord face-to-face in the temple, he says, "I'm undone"? I mean we're worshipping in church, and we say, "Wow, isn't He something?" Isaiah sees the glory of the Lord, and he says, "I am undone! I'm overwhelmed. I am falling apart at the seams, because I've seen the Lord of Hosts." Worshipping the Lord should lead to that kind of understanding. To cause us to say, "I am in awe of Him."

A Theology of Legacy

So if you're missing a theology of glory, and you're missing a theology of purpose, you're going to miss a theology of legacy, which is, "Why am I here for goodness sake?" I'm not here just for me. I'm here because He wants me to create a legacy where the glory dwells in the midst of His people.

So if you don't have a theology of grandeur of God, you're going to miss the purpose of God, which is that Grandeur is supposed to be worked out in us. There's something to be so special about us that people look at it, and they go "Oh, whoa; this is very, very different from anything I see all around me everyday. This is unique." They are so peaceful. As they are burned on those stakes they die with an outstanding dignity. And so you have centurions who witnessed these deaths who are driven towards the mercy of Christ.

Who is it, then, that starts the hospitals? Who is it that takes the kids who've been abandoned under the bridges? It's the Church. Who is it that takes the sick and the dying? It's the Church. Who is it that ministers to the poor? Not just ministers in some vague way, but actually begins to inform them about their lofty purpose in their identity with glory, Who is Christ, right?

The whole passage of the shepherds was about glory. God had pronounced ichabod — His glory was gone. But at Christ's birth, glory was back. He was back in the world. He was blessing us with His presence. Kabod was here among us. Who is He? He's Emmanuel. God with us. What does that mean? The glory is with us again.

The Hound of Heaven -- Francis Thompson

I fled Him down the nights and down the days
I fled Him down the arches of the years
I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways
Of my own mind, and in the midst of tears
I hid from him, and under running laughter.
Up vistaed hopes I sped and shot precipitated
Adown titanic glooms of chasme d hears
From those strong feet that followed, followed after
But with unhurrying chase and unperturbe d pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
They beat, and a Voice beat,
More instant than the feet:
All things betray thee who betrayest me.

I pleaded, outlaw--wise by many a hearted casement,
curtained red, trellised with inter-twining charities,
For though I knew His love who followe d,
Yet was I sore adread, lest having Him,
I should have nought beside.
But if one little casement parted wide,
The gust of his approach would clash it to.
Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue.
Across the margent of the world I fled,
And troubled the gold gateways of the stars,
Smiting for shelter on their clange d bars,
Fretted to dulcet jars and silvern chatter
The pale ports of the moon.

I said to Dawn --- be sudden, to Eve --- be soon,
With thy young skiey blossoms heap me over
From this tremendous Lover.
Float thy vague veil about me lest He see.
I tempted all His servitors but to find
My own betrayal in their constancy,
In faith to Him, their fickleness to me,
Their traitorous trueness and their loyal deceit.
To all swift things for swiftness did I sue,
Clung to the whistling mane of every wind,
But whether they swept, smoothly fleet,
The long savannahs of the blue,
Or whether, thunder-driven,
They clanged His chariot thwart a heaven,
Plashy with flying lightnings round the spurn of their feet,
Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue.
Still with unhurrying chase and unperturbed pace
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
Came on the following feet, and a Voice above their beat:
Nought shelters thee who wilt not shelter Me.

I sought no more that after which I strayed
In face of Man or Maid.
But still within the little childrens' eyes
Seems something, something that replies,
They at least are for me, surely for me.
But just as their young eyes grew sudden fair,
With dawning answers there,
Their angel plucked them from me by the hair.
Come then, ye other children, Nature's
Share with me, said I, your delicate fellowship.
Let me greet you lip to lip,
Let me twine with you caresses,
Wantoning with our Lady Mother's vagrant tresses,
Banqueting with her in her wind walled palace,
Underneath her azured dai:s,
Quaffing, as your taintless way is,
From a chalice, lucent weeping out of the dayspring.

So it was done.
I in their delicate fellowship was one.
Drew the bolt of Nature's secrecies,
I knew all the swift importings on the wilful face of skies,
I knew how the clouds arise,
Spume d of the wild sea-snortings.
All that's born or dies,
Rose and drooped with,
Made them shapers of mine own moods, or wailful, or Divine.
With them joyed and was bereaven.
I was heavy with the Even,
when she lit her glimmering tapers round the day's dead sanctities.
I laughed in the morning's eyes.
I triumphed and I saddened with all weather,
Heaven and I wept together,
and its sweet tears were salt with mortal mine.
Against the red throb of its sunset heart,
I laid my own to beat
And share commingling heat.

But not by that, by that was eased my human smart.
In vain my tears were wet on Heaven's grey cheek.
For ah! we know what each other says,
these things and I; In sound I speak,
Their sound is but their stir, they speak by silences.
Nature, poor step-dame, cannot slake my drouth.
Let her, if she would owe me
Drop yon blue-bosomed veil of sky
And show me the breasts o' her tenderness.
Never did any milk of hers once bless my thirsting mouth.
Nigh and nigh draws the chase, with unperturbe d pace
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
And past those noise d feet, a Voice comes yet more fleet:
Lo, nought contentst thee who content'st nought Me.

Naked, I wait thy Love's uplifted stroke. My harness, piece by piece,
thou'st hewn from me
And smitten me to my knee,
I am defenceless, utterly.
I slept methinks, and awoke.
And slowly gazing, find me stripped in sleep.
In the rash lustihead of my young powers,
I shook the pillaring hours,
and pulled my life upon me.
Grimed with smears,
I stand amidst the dust o' the mounded years--
My mangled youth lies dead beneath the heap.
My days have crackled and gone up in smoke,
Have puffed and burst like sunstarts on a stream.
Yeah, faileth now even dream the dreamer
and the lute, the lutanist.
Even the linked fantasies in whose blossomy twist,
I swung the Earth, a trinket at my wrist,
Have yielded, cords of all too weak account,
For Earth, with heavy grief so overplussed.
Ah! is thy Love indeed a weed,
albeit an Amaranthine weed,
Suffering no flowers except its own to mount?
Ah! must, Designer Infinite,
Ah! must thou char the wood 'ere thou canst limn with it ?
My freshness spent its wavering shower i' the dust.
And now my heart is as a broken fount,
Wherein tear-drippings stagnate, spilt down ever
From the dank thoughts that shiver upon the sighful branches of my
mind.

Such is. What is to be ?
The pulp so bitter, how shall taste the rind ?
I dimly guess what Time in mists confounds,
Yet ever and anon, a trumpet sounds
From the hid battlements of Eternity.
Those shaken mists a space unsettle,
Then round the half-glimpse d turrets, slowly wash again.
But not 'ere Him who summoneth
I first have seen, enwound
With glooming robes purpureal; Cypress crowned.
His name I know, and what his trumpet saith.
Whether Man's Heart or Life it be that yield thee harvest,
Must thy harvest fields be dunged with rotten death ?

Now of that long pursuit,
Comes at hand the bruit.
That Voice is round me like a bursting Sea:
And is thy Earth so marred,
Shattered in shard on shard?
Lo, all things fly thee, for thou fliest me.
Strange, piteous, futile thing;
Wherefore should any set thee love apart?
Seeing none but I makes much of Naught (He said).
And human love needs human meriting ---
How hast thou merited,
Of all Man's clotted clay, the dingiest clot.
Alack! Thou knowest not
How little worthy of any love thou art.
Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee,
Save me, save only me?
All which I took from thee, I did'st but take,
Not for thy harms,
But just that thou might'st seek it in my arms.
All which thy childs mistake fancies as lost,
I have stored for thee at Home.
Rise, clasp my hand, and come.
Halts by me that Footfall.
Is my gloom, after all,
Shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly?
Ah, Fondest, Blindest, Weakest,
I am He whom thou seekest.
Thou dravest Love from thee who dravest Me.

-- i’m getting ready to let You be everything. --

things need to be said

another morning dawns. finally one where waking is sweet and sleeping has resulted in a state of well-restedness. and it’s a day off, too. bonus. writing calls because it’s been over a week since there was a new post. is busyness too overwhelming to leave ample time to write? maybe. is it that there is nothing to say? not really. . .. could it be that laziness is setting in? that’s probably it. who’s to say?

this morning was weird because everyone around was falling apart but it didn’t hit my door. nothing new here. except that there’s 19 days left till leaving. maybe the destruction will find me soon and result in some more falling apart.

everyone keeps asking me about my excitement level. “Kara, are you excited?” sure. then there’s this awkward silence so out come all the nervous feelings about leaving for YWAM: how i’m excited but super scared and a little anxious. then they look at me like my words are abnormal or something. it’s weird. then they encourage me, which is great because i always like encouragement, but it feels like i was forced into expressing frustration that i wasn’t passionately feeling and then receiving encouragement that i have known intimately already. so it all seems pointless.

the truth? i don’t often feel overwhelmed with fright over this. sometimes, but not often. i still don’t walk around in a state of freaking because my life changes drastically in 19 days. it’s easier for me to just not think about leaving and at this point i don’t really have to think about it. i’m excited, but not passionately. i’m scared, but not overwhelmed. perhaps:

“i am pressed but not perplexed, persecuted, not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. i am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure that His joy is going to be my strength.” it’s all rather peaceful right now.

so if you ask me if i’m excited i’ll say yes. i won’t expound, unless you keep looking at me like i need to. : ) i just don’t have that much to say! sorry.

in other news, i have this week as my last at Kroger. it'll be nice to not be working after Christmas Eve. the time off will be crazy but hopefully relaxing. it's all coming down to the wire! truthfully, i don't even know how i feel about leaving for YWAM. that's probably the reason for the awkward silences when people ask. there just aren't words yet to describe it. i'll let you know when there are.

oh, and there should be snow. like, now. i'm just saying.

things that always need to be said? God is all. the nearness of God is our good. let us press on to know Him, let us press hard into Him: surely at the coming of the Lord, He will respond. i need to be reminded of the weight of His glory, and the breadth of His immenseness. because THAT changes everything. love came down at Christmas. . .the Love of God to man. Jesus Christ is Love incarnate, and the restoration that our souls long for. let's look for God, ask to see Him, and be changed.

merry Christmas.

hello my name is mary. . .

we went to some friends’ house for lunch today after church. they’re a really rad family. 5 kids. funny and loud kids. so we know the parents really well, but the kids don’t really know us all that much. granted, upon entrance i think they knew our names. the oldest girl knew my name, and made me a birthday card. it was sweet. the oldest boy then decided to write me a note. i must provide a previous conversation for this to be in context:

me: hey Anthony, what’s his name (pointing to my brother)?

Anthony: um….Jonathan?

me: no. it’s bob.

Anthony: (looking at Jonathan, who is mouthing his own name) no….i think it’s Jonathan.

me: Anthony, he’s my brother, i’ve known him for twenty years! don’t you think i know what his name is? it’s bob!

Anthony: yeah, you should know, but it’s Jonathan.

. . .time passes. . .

Anthony: (now writing a note) what’s your name?

me: Kara.

Jonathan: it’s Mary.

Anthony: Mary? or kara?

me: kara.

jonathan: it’s Mary.

Anthony: dad, what’s her name?

Jason (dad to Anthony): it’s Kara. (receives cues from Jonathan) it’s Mary.

. . .time passes. . .we’re eating cake. . .

Jonathan: (whispers) he wrote a birthday note to Mary. (chuckles) he actually came over and asked me “how old is Mary?”

me: that’s the coolest thing i’ve heard all day!

. . .time passes. . .i receive anthony’s note. . .it reads. . .

Daer kmary

I hope you have a exaitine birthday

love-4-eva

Anthony

it was amazing. it absolutely made my day. hehe. kids are fun. well that’s my anecdote for the day! i’m off to clean my room (oh bother)!

the future is unfolding fast

Hello friends! Some of you have received letters in the past month or two explaining the next 5 months of my life. Some of you have not. For those of you who have seen the letter, please disregard this post as it should be a close facsimile to the forementioned document. For those of you who have not seen the letter, it is reproduced below in a casual format. Happy reading!

Ok. so there's this organization called Youth With a Mission, which is commonly abbreviated as YWAM (WIE-wam). This organization has as its sole purpose in the world "to know God and to make Him known." YWAM runs what they call Discipleship Training Schools (DTS): 5-6 month schools focusing on intense discipleship and radical serving. friends, i am undertaking one such school.
January 7th, 2007, i am leaving for YWAM in Chico, California. i will be on base in classes for 3 months in Chico, and then my entire DTS will go on outreach to a country overseas (as soon as i hear locations i'll post). i am going because i feel God wants me there. there are other reasons behind it, and a really really long story, but you all are incredibly patient with my posting to begin with so i won't bore you. if you want to hear all of it, let me know.
um.....so i guess to finish it out, i'll be back May 27th, 2007 (Lord willing). i hope to have a better knowledge of who God is upon my return, along with a clear understanding of how to respond to that knowledge.
i intend to continue posting while i am away, my trip is actually one of the reasons that i have created this site. i don't quite know what that will look like yet, but please bookmark this site and check back frequently for updates.
if you have any questions, please feel free to email me, call me, walk up to me, or send me telegrams. whatever your preferred form of communication, i'm in. smoke signals, telepathy, snail mail, anything. i just hope i know how to respond. . . .

i leave you for now wishing peace and revelation on your hearts and minds.

in Christ,

kara

"then the man said to me, ‘son of man, see with your eyes, hear with your ears, and give attention to all that I am going to show you; for you have been brought here in order to show it to you.’” Ezekiel 40.4

12/08/06

Hear ye, hear ye.

i. am. donewitschool. yay!

by the absolute Grace of God, i pulled off my hardest quarter with the best grades. i don’t quite know how it happened, but i’m not complaining.

so now, things seem to be rushing towards a big finish, in the words of my latin prof. big finish, Kara! ah. i was driving home from work tonight and (this happens often) realized how quickly time is moving and that i will be going alone to a new place for 5 months. CRAZY! then i scream and let out a little unknowing-frustration-feeling and try to forget about it. it’s scary. scary i tell you!

but apparently i am ‘’aces’’. i helped this customer find some things today, it just happened that he wanted items that i knew the location of. he was quite impressed with my knowledge of the store. like the back of my hand! anyways, he told Jon that ‘’that girl on the end is aces, aces.’’ and i guess he did this ‘’ok’’ sign with his hands to indicate just how ‘’aces’’ i was. it made me happy.

micah and Marjorie should be back in Denver by now. poor kids, they’ve been traveling all day. i mean all day. they left at 7am Bosnia time, which is 1am our time, and 11 pm the day before in Denver. i’m pretty sure the whole time change thing screwed them out of like 4 days or something, but i still can’t figure out how it all works. : )

here’s something funny. this week should have been another horrible one. granted, last week was stressful in the breaking of the news, but this week was dealing with it all in repercussions. nevertheless, this week was great. just great. again, i’m not complaining. i’ve decided that i want to see God. i mean, i’ve wanted to for a long time, and kind of figured that would have to be done through the Word, but i’ve decided to actually do it. i’m pretty excited. hopefully soon i’ll write something of importance, for now know that i am alive and well and happy! and leaving…..(yikies!)

peace. to you and me! let it snow!