Un día de Abril, mientras de andaba en campus, las flores (tulipanes, mis favoritas) estaban floreciendo. Es normal, claro, que flores florezcan en la primavera, pero este día lo fue extraño, raro, y increíble. ¿Porqué? Por que mientras de ellas florecían, hacía nieve. Sí lo digo, nevaba y ellas florecían. Cómo, yo quiero saber, ¿pueden ser estas cosas?
Aqui estoy en Ohio, que sí, tiene lo más raro de tiempo en los estados que conozco, pero todavía es super-extraño a ver nieve y flores a la misma vez. Super-raro, super-extraño...y en una mano, no lo me gusta.
Pero en el otro lado, puedo gozar de la nieve y de las flores. Puedo esperar para la salida del frío y anticipar las colores que traerá el sol cuando lo venga. Ayer, hoy día, y mañana están días de especiales oportunidades: no es todos los días que uno se pueda ver una yuxtaposición tan clara.
Yo subo las escaleras del sótano (dónde tengo clase por las mañanas) y veo a la nieve. Voy afuera, ando atrás campus, y veo flores. Mi nariz está muy fría. Quiero que la nieve vaya y nunca vuelva. Pero sonrío: todo está calma, todo lleno de paz, mi ánimo feliz de ser bastante tranquila. No importa la nieve, ella saldrá. Y las flores, vendrán, y saldrán también. Qué importa es más profunda que flores y tiempo. Es el día. En todo que la futura tenga, mal o bueno, loco o calmo, que importa lo mas es como vivía durante mis días en la tierra.
¿Cómo voy a vivir en la nieve, rodeado por flores?
4.06.2009
3.12.2009
::happiness is...::
Happiness is the end of the quarter.
It's wrapping up projects,
Evaluating professors,
and leaving classrooms for (hopefully) the last time.
Happiness is saying goodbye to group members.
Not because we didn't like each other,
but because the memory of the other
brings memories of the stress of the project,
and it's just nice to be done.
Happiness is cold weather that you won't have to walk through much longer.
Happiness is waking up without the stress of being on time to a class.
Happiness is just not having to think about homework.
Happiness....
is short lived.
I aim to enjoy it.
It's wrapping up projects,
Evaluating professors,
and leaving classrooms for (hopefully) the last time.
Happiness is saying goodbye to group members.
Not because we didn't like each other,
but because the memory of the other
brings memories of the stress of the project,
and it's just nice to be done.
Happiness is cold weather that you won't have to walk through much longer.
Happiness is waking up without the stress of being on time to a class.
Happiness is just not having to think about homework.
Happiness....
is short lived.
I aim to enjoy it.
2.18.2009
::return to morbidity::
I'm re-reading through some old journal entries this morning. They are simultaneously encouraging and destructive: destructive in that they challenge my current mode of thought and are pulling up some hideous weeds from my soul, weeds that I was trying to call flowers. Do you ever do this? I do...I have weeds and I try to convince myself that they are flowers so that I won't have to call the Landscaper to come in and clean me up. Silly me, they're obviously thorny and full of thistles, and they are choking the good flowers. Anyways, that's not the thought for the morning.
Before DTS I got stuck on this "morbid" idea, but a very biblical one, and that is that we are both living (in Christ) and dying (to ourselves) every day. In the last months of 2006 I wrote numerous poems declaring that for me, going to DTS was a form of dying because my life here in Ohio would be dead and I would be re-born in California. Obviously, Christ calls us to come and die day by day to sin, to our flesh, and to the world, and to be alive to Christ. But this theme of death hasn't been at the forefront of my mind for a long time.
In my journal from 2007 post-DTS, I'm reading from the entries corresponding to my silent retreat of that year. Some lines that are striking to me:
"if I am not willing to die, I cannot live. And if I cannot live, I must die."
"But for now, I am young. I am growing always upward first, and must learn responsibility over lenght of days. For how you spend your days is, of course, how you spend your life."
"My experiences must be tested and prove to remain true through death before they can be used to give life. I cannot give what I do not have."
The fact of the matter is: we are called to die. This world is NOT our home, far be it from us to live as though it is all we are expecting to receive from the Lord. There is too much at stake for me to be wrapped and wound so tightly into what is happening around me, as far as I can see. I'm kind of short...God can see way farther than I can.
May I submit my sight always to the See-er...and may we be part of His people described in Revelation 14.1-5:
"Then I looked, and behold, the Lamb was standing on Mount zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having His name and the name of His Father written on their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven, like the sound of many waters and like the sound of loud thunder, and the voice which I heard was like the sound of harpists playing on their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders; and no one could learn the song except the one hundred and forty-four thousand who had been purchased from the earth. These are the ones who have not been defiled with women, for they have kept themselves chaste. These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These have been purchased from among men as first fruits to God and to the lamb. And no lie was found in their mouth; they are blameless."
Before DTS I got stuck on this "morbid" idea, but a very biblical one, and that is that we are both living (in Christ) and dying (to ourselves) every day. In the last months of 2006 I wrote numerous poems declaring that for me, going to DTS was a form of dying because my life here in Ohio would be dead and I would be re-born in California. Obviously, Christ calls us to come and die day by day to sin, to our flesh, and to the world, and to be alive to Christ. But this theme of death hasn't been at the forefront of my mind for a long time.
In my journal from 2007 post-DTS, I'm reading from the entries corresponding to my silent retreat of that year. Some lines that are striking to me:
"if I am not willing to die, I cannot live. And if I cannot live, I must die."
"But for now, I am young. I am growing always upward first, and must learn responsibility over lenght of days. For how you spend your days is, of course, how you spend your life."
"My experiences must be tested and prove to remain true through death before they can be used to give life. I cannot give what I do not have."
The fact of the matter is: we are called to die. This world is NOT our home, far be it from us to live as though it is all we are expecting to receive from the Lord. There is too much at stake for me to be wrapped and wound so tightly into what is happening around me, as far as I can see. I'm kind of short...God can see way farther than I can.
May I submit my sight always to the See-er...and may we be part of His people described in Revelation 14.1-5:
"Then I looked, and behold, the Lamb was standing on Mount zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having His name and the name of His Father written on their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven, like the sound of many waters and like the sound of loud thunder, and the voice which I heard was like the sound of harpists playing on their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders; and no one could learn the song except the one hundred and forty-four thousand who had been purchased from the earth. These are the ones who have not been defiled with women, for they have kept themselves chaste. These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These have been purchased from among men as first fruits to God and to the lamb. And no lie was found in their mouth; they are blameless."
2.09.2009
::psalm 116::
Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For You have rescued my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living. I believed when I said, "I am greatly afflicted" ... O Lord, surely I am Your servant, I am Your servant, the son of Your handmaid, You have loosed my bonds.
(Psalm 116.7-10, 16)
(Psalm 116.7-10, 16)
Rescue. What a beautiful concept, that of being rescued. The thing about rescue though, is that before you can be rescued, you have to need to be rescued. That is to say, you have to be in a position where rescue is your only option left. You have to already be in a position of neediness, affliction, captivity, suffering, etc. before rescue will make a difference.
For the psalmist, his soul was in death, his eyes were shedding ears, and his feet had already stumbled. It was there, in the dark place of affliction (and, possibly, the dark place of disobedience) that the Lord rescued him. But it's not that he never experienced the pain and sorrow of needing to be rescued, on the contrary; he could now appreciate more fully the rescue plan of the Lord because he actually needed to be rescued.
I avoid needing to be rescued. I don't like that feeling of utter helplessness, of knowing that unless God comes through in a big way I will be completely disheveled. But what if it's there that God's rescue is most glorious, what if I need to be in a position of needing rescue before I can experience and really appreciate the rescue?
For the psalmist, his soul was in death, his eyes were shedding ears, and his feet had already stumbled. It was there, in the dark place of affliction (and, possibly, the dark place of disobedience) that the Lord rescued him. But it's not that he never experienced the pain and sorrow of needing to be rescued, on the contrary; he could now appreciate more fully the rescue plan of the Lord because he actually needed to be rescued.
I avoid needing to be rescued. I don't like that feeling of utter helplessness, of knowing that unless God comes through in a big way I will be completely disheveled. But what if it's there that God's rescue is most glorious, what if I need to be in a position of needing rescue before I can experience and really appreciate the rescue?
2.08.2009
::psalm 111::
"Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart, in the company of the upright and in the assembly. Great are the works of the Lord; they are studied by all who delight in them. Splendid and majestic is His work, and His righteousness endures forever. He has made His wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate.
He has given food to those who fear Him; He will remember His covenant forever.
He has made known to His people the power of his works, in giving them the heritage of the nations. The works of his hands are truth and justice; all His precepts are sure. They are upheld forever and ever; they are performed in truth and uprightness. He has sent redemption to His people; He has ordained His covenant forever; Holy and awesome is His name. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever."
I read this Psalm last week, after having read a middle section of scripture from John chapter 6. In verses 48-58 Jesus repeatedly refers to Himself either as food or drink, and I was struck when I read this Psalm that it is a type of prophecy about Christ. Read these words from John:
"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your fathers at the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread which comes down out of heaven so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down out of heaven; if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread also which I will give for the life of the world is My flesh." (John 6.47-51)
When I read Psalm 111 a few days later, immediately my mind connected these two passages of scripture. Obviously, the Psalmist was talking about how the Lord provided the physical food for those who fear Him; that God literally was their provider of food to eat. Which is still true, in every sense, because everything we have comes from Him and that includes food. But what I was thinking, is that in a much deeper sense of the word, God provided food for us (for all generations) in Jesus: the spiritual food that we crave and that which alone will satisfy us. So, the psalmist, thousands of years before Christ, refers to this active generosity of the Lord to provide food for those who believe in Him, and now we see that the true food that God gives is in fact our good Savior, Jesus.
It amazed me this week to consider the original intent and time period of the psalmist, and then to see how Christ spoke of Himself and in doing so, fulfilled that verse. Cool stuff!
More to come from the Psalms, they are rocking my world.
He has given food to those who fear Him; He will remember His covenant forever.
He has made known to His people the power of his works, in giving them the heritage of the nations. The works of his hands are truth and justice; all His precepts are sure. They are upheld forever and ever; they are performed in truth and uprightness. He has sent redemption to His people; He has ordained His covenant forever; Holy and awesome is His name. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; a good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever."
I read this Psalm last week, after having read a middle section of scripture from John chapter 6. In verses 48-58 Jesus repeatedly refers to Himself either as food or drink, and I was struck when I read this Psalm that it is a type of prophecy about Christ. Read these words from John:
"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your fathers at the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread which comes down out of heaven so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down out of heaven; if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread also which I will give for the life of the world is My flesh." (John 6.47-51)
When I read Psalm 111 a few days later, immediately my mind connected these two passages of scripture. Obviously, the Psalmist was talking about how the Lord provided the physical food for those who fear Him; that God literally was their provider of food to eat. Which is still true, in every sense, because everything we have comes from Him and that includes food. But what I was thinking, is that in a much deeper sense of the word, God provided food for us (for all generations) in Jesus: the spiritual food that we crave and that which alone will satisfy us. So, the psalmist, thousands of years before Christ, refers to this active generosity of the Lord to provide food for those who believe in Him, and now we see that the true food that God gives is in fact our good Savior, Jesus.
It amazed me this week to consider the original intent and time period of the psalmist, and then to see how Christ spoke of Himself and in doing so, fulfilled that verse. Cool stuff!
More to come from the Psalms, they are rocking my world.
2.04.2009
::the quarter::
Here we are! It is Wednesday, February 4th, 2009. I am in the middle of the middle week of classes...my madre figured it out last week and I am 1/8th of the way finished with the rest of my college career. That's pretty exciting stuff! Also new this week, I learned that I am indeed in my last GEC (general education curriculum) course this quarter, and that after Winter Quarter is over, I will have 35 hours left to fill (which will be easy to fill with my major classes). And next week I get to schedule for Spring Quarter!
In general, I am very much enjoying this quarter. It is keeping me SO busy, there is a ton of reading for both my Linguistics and Spanish 560 class. When my friends call me and ask what I'm doing, I usually have them guess, and they normally get it right: "I'm reading."
But it's good for me to have to sort through (in my brain and heart) what is most important, and to devote first attention to those things before doing other things. I won't say that I'm really good at it, but it's a good challenge.
The Lord is really challenging me a lot to trust Him. It's been a really cool work that I can see notably, in that He is giving me direct opportunities to let go of my plans, fears, pre-conceived notions, and the ideals that I held that were not biblical; to let these all go and instead trust Him to lead me. I don't understand His ways, and this is something that is new because normally I can rationalize my way through to understanding at least a little of why He is doing what He is doing. But not this time. I just don't get Him! But, I love Him. And this journey is really fun....oddly enough I am coming to enjoy the occasional chaos.
You know those times when you are walking through something tough, but as much as you don't like the uncomfortable-ness, you really grow to cherish the work of the Lord in your heart? That's where I'm at. It's good. Not easy, but so good.
These are my random thoughts for the day. I hope all is well in your hearts and souls.
~k
In general, I am very much enjoying this quarter. It is keeping me SO busy, there is a ton of reading for both my Linguistics and Spanish 560 class. When my friends call me and ask what I'm doing, I usually have them guess, and they normally get it right: "I'm reading."
But it's good for me to have to sort through (in my brain and heart) what is most important, and to devote first attention to those things before doing other things. I won't say that I'm really good at it, but it's a good challenge.
The Lord is really challenging me a lot to trust Him. It's been a really cool work that I can see notably, in that He is giving me direct opportunities to let go of my plans, fears, pre-conceived notions, and the ideals that I held that were not biblical; to let these all go and instead trust Him to lead me. I don't understand His ways, and this is something that is new because normally I can rationalize my way through to understanding at least a little of why He is doing what He is doing. But not this time. I just don't get Him! But, I love Him. And this journey is really fun....oddly enough I am coming to enjoy the occasional chaos.
You know those times when you are walking through something tough, but as much as you don't like the uncomfortable-ness, you really grow to cherish the work of the Lord in your heart? That's where I'm at. It's good. Not easy, but so good.
These are my random thoughts for the day. I hope all is well in your hearts and souls.
~k
2.01.2009
::fear::
fear is debilitating
hold on, it's worth saying
i am strongly bound by all these things i fear
You say risks worth taking
are part of the kingdom's making
and though i fear, it should not be
how do i let go?
how do i give up?
are there words to say to make this better?
how do i look up
and let myself trust
how can pain be good at all?
responsibility brings
a certain level threat
that i've come to really dread
there's constant trembling
what if i try and fail?
what if i am no good?
it's these lies and more
that interrupt
how do i let go?
how do i give up?
are there words to say to make this better?
how do i look up
and let myself trust
how can pain be good at all?
--kara tindor 1.10.2009--
hold on, it's worth saying
i am strongly bound by all these things i fear
You say risks worth taking
are part of the kingdom's making
and though i fear, it should not be
how do i let go?
how do i give up?
are there words to say to make this better?
how do i look up
and let myself trust
how can pain be good at all?
responsibility brings
a certain level threat
that i've come to really dread
there's constant trembling
what if i try and fail?
what if i am no good?
it's these lies and more
that interrupt
how do i let go?
how do i give up?
are there words to say to make this better?
how do i look up
and let myself trust
how can pain be good at all?
--kara tindor 1.10.2009--
12.19.2008
updates!
For those brave, stalwart few who still read this: here are the promised updates.
Finished school last Wednesday, by the complete Grace of God I got all 'A's this quarter! I certainly did not deserve them all, so I am astounded and quite happy. The quarter ended well and I am just really happy to be done and have a few weeks off.
The quarter actually ended on my 22nd birthday, and to celebrate, I got some ink done. Yup!
Yes, folks, that's real, and it's really on my finger. Ok, so....background:
Isaiah 44.5: "This one will say, 'I am the Lord's; and that one will call on the name of Jacob; and another will write on his hand, 'Belonging to the Lord,' and will name Israel's name with honor."
This verse captured my heart years ago, and I began to think that it would be really cool to have a tattoo to that effect on my hand. Off and on I've contemplated this type of tattoo, never knowing what exactly the wording would be, but knowing the meaning behind it.
This fall my pastor did a series on marriage and during one of the sermons we read Hosea 2.16:
"It will come about in that day," declares the Lord, that you will call Me Ishi (my husband) and will no longer call Me Baali (my master)."
I read that and was floored by God's beautiful love-offer to His people, and I knew then that if I were to ever get a tattoo on my hand it would be to have "Ishi" put on my ring finger, signifying that before any man puts a ring on my finger, before I 'belong' to a man on this earth, I belong to The Lord. At this point, I still had no plans to actually do it.
As the quarter progressed, something stirred in my spirit and I knew that it was time to actually get the tattoo. I felt very strongly that it was something I needed to do before I got married or even started a relationship with anyone, and somehow the day of my birthday just felt right. So, my cute little mentor, Kathy, went with me to a tattoo parlor and I got it done. It was so cool, almost like a worship experience! I love it. Every day I wake up and see it, and it's just awesome...definitely perfect timing.
I did it for personal reasons, very much to symbolize what God has done in capturing my heart forever. In a small way, I wanted to "bear in my body the marks of Jesus Christ". I had no idea what kind of doors it would open for conversation, it's not THAT noticeable but people at work have definitely been asking and multiple times I have had the opportunity to share the story of God's love for His people! It's really humbling and I fear that I do not tell the story well, I am praying that God will give me grace to express clearly what is on His heart through the ink on my skin.
In other news, next quarter I have scheduled to take all my classes in the mornings and afternoons, thus making it impossible for me to continue working the job that I have loved for the past 17 months. About 6 weeks ago I told my boss and the managers of the practice that I needed to resign the records position. God blew me away with His provision and faithfulness in that the managers accepted my resignation from records, but asked if I would stay on in some Casual capacity, working when it works around my schedule. I prayed about it and thought about it, and happily accepted. I am so blessed that I don't have to leave completely! I have grown so fond of these wonderful people and am already sad enough that I won't be seeing them every day. As the my time in records draws to a close I get more and more sad about this change, almost to the point of reconsidering! But I do believe that the Lord will use this for His purposes, either within my heart or in my life.
Hopefully, working less will enable me to focus on getting through my senior year at OSU well, and learning all of the things I need to learn. I get to take a Portuguese class next quarter, and I think 3 Spanish classes (either 3 Spanish, or 2 Spanish and 1 Linguistics). It will be busy, but I fully expect to enjoy it. God has been really faithful and I trust that He will continue to lead and guide my steps.
That's the December update, of course little things are always changing but I won't bore you with all of those details. I hope that you all will have a blessed Christmas and really enjoy your families!
Love and peace, to you from the Lord Jesus Christ.
Kara
Psalm 68.19: "Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation."
Finished school last Wednesday, by the complete Grace of God I got all 'A's this quarter! I certainly did not deserve them all, so I am astounded and quite happy. The quarter ended well and I am just really happy to be done and have a few weeks off.
The quarter actually ended on my 22nd birthday, and to celebrate, I got some ink done. Yup!
Yes, folks, that's real, and it's really on my finger. Ok, so....background:
Isaiah 44.5: "This one will say, 'I am the Lord's; and that one will call on the name of Jacob; and another will write on his hand, 'Belonging to the Lord,' and will name Israel's name with honor."
This verse captured my heart years ago, and I began to think that it would be really cool to have a tattoo to that effect on my hand. Off and on I've contemplated this type of tattoo, never knowing what exactly the wording would be, but knowing the meaning behind it.
This fall my pastor did a series on marriage and during one of the sermons we read Hosea 2.16:
"It will come about in that day," declares the Lord, that you will call Me Ishi (my husband) and will no longer call Me Baali (my master)."
I read that and was floored by God's beautiful love-offer to His people, and I knew then that if I were to ever get a tattoo on my hand it would be to have "Ishi" put on my ring finger, signifying that before any man puts a ring on my finger, before I 'belong' to a man on this earth, I belong to The Lord. At this point, I still had no plans to actually do it.
As the quarter progressed, something stirred in my spirit and I knew that it was time to actually get the tattoo. I felt very strongly that it was something I needed to do before I got married or even started a relationship with anyone, and somehow the day of my birthday just felt right. So, my cute little mentor, Kathy, went with me to a tattoo parlor and I got it done. It was so cool, almost like a worship experience! I love it. Every day I wake up and see it, and it's just awesome...definitely perfect timing.
I did it for personal reasons, very much to symbolize what God has done in capturing my heart forever. In a small way, I wanted to "bear in my body the marks of Jesus Christ". I had no idea what kind of doors it would open for conversation, it's not THAT noticeable but people at work have definitely been asking and multiple times I have had the opportunity to share the story of God's love for His people! It's really humbling and I fear that I do not tell the story well, I am praying that God will give me grace to express clearly what is on His heart through the ink on my skin.
In other news, next quarter I have scheduled to take all my classes in the mornings and afternoons, thus making it impossible for me to continue working the job that I have loved for the past 17 months. About 6 weeks ago I told my boss and the managers of the practice that I needed to resign the records position. God blew me away with His provision and faithfulness in that the managers accepted my resignation from records, but asked if I would stay on in some Casual capacity, working when it works around my schedule. I prayed about it and thought about it, and happily accepted. I am so blessed that I don't have to leave completely! I have grown so fond of these wonderful people and am already sad enough that I won't be seeing them every day. As the my time in records draws to a close I get more and more sad about this change, almost to the point of reconsidering! But I do believe that the Lord will use this for His purposes, either within my heart or in my life.
Hopefully, working less will enable me to focus on getting through my senior year at OSU well, and learning all of the things I need to learn. I get to take a Portuguese class next quarter, and I think 3 Spanish classes (either 3 Spanish, or 2 Spanish and 1 Linguistics). It will be busy, but I fully expect to enjoy it. God has been really faithful and I trust that He will continue to lead and guide my steps.
That's the December update, of course little things are always changing but I won't bore you with all of those details. I hope that you all will have a blessed Christmas and really enjoy your families!
Love and peace, to you from the Lord Jesus Christ.
Kara
Psalm 68.19: "Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation."
11.16.2008
::hap::
If but some vengeful god would call to me
From up the sky, and laugh: “Thou suffering thing,
Know that thy sorrow is my ecstasy,
That they love’s loss is my hate’s profiting!”
Then would I bear it, clench myself, and die,
Steeled by the sense of ire unmerited;
Half-eased in that a Powerfuller than I
Had willed and meted me the tears I shed.
But not so. How arrives it joy lies slain,
And why unblooms the best hope ever sown?
-Crass Casualty obstructs the sun and rain,
And dicing Time for gladness casts a moan…
These purblind Doomsters had as readily strown
Blisses about my pilgrimage as pain.
i think that Hardy is onto something. This is yet another of the poems i must read to complete the well-rounding of my person-hood at the University. Delightfully, it's quite good!
but that god does not exist. No indeed, there is not a "change" that brings us to our fates or has an evil hand in our undoing. if our lives are miserable, it is on account of sin (either that of our own, or its presence around us), and there is a loving God who does not play with us as toys. This knowledge makes it harder to go through life because we have no one to blame for our sorrows, but it makes it easier simultaneously because we have a Good God more powerful than we are, who does not destroy us for destruction's sake.
if He tears down, He will reconstruct.
if He breaks, He will mend.
if He kills, He will resurrect.
do the cross, believers. He will ALWAYS do the resurrection.
~ peace to you ~
11.14.2008
::go to sleep, dear::
"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." - Victor Hugo
11.12.2008
::shall we become abominable snowmen?::
You must admit, he's cute.
Proverbs 29.27 writes
An unjust man is abominable to the righteous, and he who is upright in the way is abominable to the wicked.
Matthew 13.43:
Then the righteous will shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.
Psalm 34.5:
They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed.
When I read Proverbs 29 this morning and reached the end, where the word "abominable" is used twice in such short order, it made me laugh because I hardly use the word, except in reference to the snowman. But we live in a kingdom of darkness, and we are light-bearers, and darkness hates light. If we walk in righteousness we will shine into the darkness, and though the darkness tries to overcome it, it is unable (see John 1 -- Jesus, the original light, conquered the darkness and gives us the same light that He had!). In reality, darkness wars against light, and does everything in its power to snuff out and light that comes its way.
Jesus is intense light. He is the light that has come into the world to shine through the darkness and change everything. He reaches out, snatches darkened lives, and illuminates them in His beautiful way. Then they are made radiant, and pure-white, a spotless bride. Purity, that hurts the eyes...the purity of Jesus.
For Christians, we are in the world, but not of the world. We are made of the same darkness, but God's light has broken through. In reality, we should not be able to help being light in the midst of darkness, it should be natural and unstoppable. And if the light is encroaching on the darkness around us ... will we not be abominable to those around us, as the Proverb says?
Shall we not become abominable snowmen?
11.09.2008
::a midterm, 4 full weeks, and Immersion::
Well, hello there. Fancy meeting you here ... now ...
It is week 7 already at the University. I can hardly believe that 6 full weeks have gone by! Tomorrow is my last 'midterm' of the quarter, although it's week 7 so it doesn't quite feel like a midterm because it's after the middle of the term. But, to each professor his/her own, right?
Four weeks, four full weeks left, then a half week for finals. Pretty soon there will be new developments as to life next quarter, but right now "mum's the word" ... I have to wait until things are finalized to broadcast them.
This brings us to the last section of this short post, Immersion. Now, you may think that I am making reference to some language learning school or class, since I am a Spanish Major. As fitting as that would be, it's not the case. No, twice in the past two weeks my pastor has talked about this intercessory prayer conference he attended at which an African pastor spoke. He talked about the importance of being in the word, as a discipline, and that they encouraged their people to be reading 30 chapters a day. A day! Sometimes I read four . . . but 30? That's a lot! And this pastor also said that they encouraged their youth to at least read 10 if they couldn't get to 30. This kind of immersion in the word can only mean good things. I'd have to abandon my love of the TV to actually DO Homework to actually HAVE time to read 30 chapters a day.
Maybe I'll try it this week, TV's not that great anyways, right?
Care to join me?
It is week 7 already at the University. I can hardly believe that 6 full weeks have gone by! Tomorrow is my last 'midterm' of the quarter, although it's week 7 so it doesn't quite feel like a midterm because it's after the middle of the term. But, to each professor his/her own, right?
Four weeks, four full weeks left, then a half week for finals. Pretty soon there will be new developments as to life next quarter, but right now "mum's the word" ... I have to wait until things are finalized to broadcast them.
This brings us to the last section of this short post, Immersion. Now, you may think that I am making reference to some language learning school or class, since I am a Spanish Major. As fitting as that would be, it's not the case. No, twice in the past two weeks my pastor has talked about this intercessory prayer conference he attended at which an African pastor spoke. He talked about the importance of being in the word, as a discipline, and that they encouraged their people to be reading 30 chapters a day. A day! Sometimes I read four . . . but 30? That's a lot! And this pastor also said that they encouraged their youth to at least read 10 if they couldn't get to 30. This kind of immersion in the word can only mean good things. I'd have to abandon my love of the TV to actually DO Homework to actually HAVE time to read 30 chapters a day.
Maybe I'll try it this week, TV's not that great anyways, right?
Care to join me?
10.19.2008
::a scene from the venerable Mr. Dickens::
“First, Sissy, do you know what I am? I am so proud and so hardened, so confused and troubled, so resentful and unjust to everyone and to myself, that everything is stormy, dark, and wicked to me. Does that not repel you?”
“No!”
“I am so unhappy, and all that should have made me otherwise is so laid waste, that if I had been bereft of sense to this hour, and instead of being as learned as you think me had to begin to acquire the simplest truths, I could not want a guide to peace, contentment, hounour, all the good of which I am quite devoid, more abjectly than I do. Does that not repel you?”
“No!”
In the innocence of her brave affection, and the brimming up of her old devoted spirit, the once deserted girl shone like a beautiful light upon the darkness of the other.
Louisa raised the hand that it might clasp her neck and join its fellow there. She fell upon her knees, and, clinging to this stroller’s child, looked up at her almost with veneration.
“Forgive me, pity me, help me! Have compassion on my great need, and let me lay this head of mine upon a loving heart!”
“Oh lay it here!” cried Sissy. “Lay it here, my dear.”
--From Hard Times
I am reading through hard times for the sake of my British Literature class. At first I was a tad miffed at Dickens for being so incredibly wordy, but by and by this story had made its way into my heart; lo and behold it contains a picture of Christ to me!
In this scene (for those of you unfamiliar with the book) are Louisa (Gradgrind) Bounderby and Sissy (no last name). Louisa has been bred to be one of imminent pride in her independence, hardness, and perpetual ability to settle with the facts and avoid feelings of all kinds. Sissy, growing up with a father in the circus who abandoned her at a young age, had been taken in by the Gradgrind family while Louisa was still living in the house. Louisa resented Sissy's ability to bear away from the facts into soft feelings, because she seemed never able to enter into the emotion of life as Sissy could. Sissy, the picture of innocence (although ignorance as well) never stooped to repay Louisa with anything of the kind, and even states earlier in the scene that she had "always loved" Louisa, and "have always wished that" she "should know it."
Louisa, in her darkest hour after a confession to her father of being horrendously unhappy in the way he has raised her, and even being tempted to adultery against her husband (Mr. Bounderby) by a charming young newcomer, is stopped at the old home of her youth, with the kindhearted Sissy to care for her. But before Louisa will allow her into her heart, she makes the confessions above.
I feel that we, when coming to Christ, must first acknowledge to ourselves and to him, the kinds of things that Louisa admits to Sissy. That we are proud, and so hardened, and so confused and troubled, so resentful and unjust to everyone to to ourselves. That everything is stormy, dark, and wicked to us. I see us turning to Christ hesitantly and asking: "Does that not repel you?"
He says "No!"
Liberated from our first set of chains, we are strengthened to continue, for the sake of total freedom in front of our Lord; the one who has come to comfort us MUST know all our troubles before His help will be of effect. We go on: we are so unhappy, and everything happy to us is laid waste, devoid of all good, peace, contentment, and honor....does that not repel You, Jesus?
He says a resounding and sincere "No!"
Jesus, with brave affection, and a devoted spirit brimming up within Him, once deserted by us, now shines: the beautiful light upon the darkness of our otherness.
Finally, seeing the purity of Christ's love, we can fall to our knees and cry out:
"Forgive me, pity me, help me! Have compassion on my great need, and let me lay this head of mind upon a loving heart!"
And how does Jesus respond?
"OH LAY IT HERE!" he cries. "Lay it here, my dear."
Isn't He lovely?
10.11.2008
::Manfred::
"Look on me! there is an order
of mortals on the earth, who do become
Old in their youth, and die ere middle age,
Without the violence of warlike death;
Some perishing of pleasure, some of study,
Some worn with toil, some of mere weariness,
Some of disease, and some insanity,
And some of wither'd or of broken hearts;
For this last is a malady which slays
More than are number'd in the lists of Fate,
Taking all shapes and bearing many names.
Look upon me! for even of all these things
Have I partaken; and of all these things,
One were enough; then wonder not that I
Am what I am, but that I ever was,
Or having been, that I am still on earth." (Lines 138-154)
The way of life seems to be to grow up fast but die before maturity can be useful, dying without meaning. Where is the passion of life that drives people to true life? So that one might die, not of the pleasure or the 'mere weariness' Byron speaks of, but die in the moment life fully lived? Then we would not so much wonder at people's dull lives and ponder existence, but might appreciate the depth of true life.
"We are all the fools of time and terror: Days
Steal on us and steal from us; yet we live,
Loathing our life, and dreading still to die. x
In all the days of this detested yoke --
This vital weight upon the struggling heart,
Which sinks with sorrow, or beats quick with pain,
or joy that ends in agony or faintness --
in all the days of past and future, for
in life there is no present, we can number
How few, how less than few, wherein the soul
Forbears to pant for death, and yet draws back
As from a stream in winter, though the chill
Be but a moment's. " (Lines 164-177)
This is well stated - days keep sneaking up on us and overtaking us; and they take from us energy, passion, and excitement, yet though bitter towards life we live on, and will not do otherwise, fearing to die. Some days we think it might be easier to die so as to be finished with "the troubles of the world," certainly for Christians we have hope to go "home to live with God, but something keeps us living.
All of Manfred that I have read (which is only some excerpts), lends to the discussion of the meaning of life. Manfred seems to feel that he has reached a spiritual plane that most do not attain to in life, and it gives him a mystic power by which to summon spirits and get his way, and eventually, to choose the moment of his death. It's very interesting, and beautifully written by Byron. It's making me think about the cynicism on life we hear so frequently, yet those that seem to despise their existence would never think to end it with suicide, most likely due to fear. I'm not advising that people sick of life should kill themselves, that's a horrible idea: but it's the same sentiment as those uninformed voters or citizens who don't vote at all yet still gripe about the way the country is run ... if you're not doing your part to make something better, do you really have room to complain about how bad it is?
I don't think so. The same with life: if you are not actively working to make your life BETTER, what gives you the right to complain about how poorly it is going? Because things don't just happen to you, leaving you as a victim in this traumatic experience of living: we all have been given power over our own lives to choose our course. So I would venture to say that if your life is despicable too you, you're probably not free from blame. Do you hate your job? Find another one. Or change your attitude. Did you know that you can improve your mental happiness by some ridiculously high percentage if you train yourself to think positively? But that's not all ... I think the whole thing is summed up in Christ, that even if you have been the victim of something that makes life awful, in Jesus there is freedom from guilt, healing from abuse and trauma, and power for changing and moving on.
Wouldn't it be a legacy of faith to die at the apex of life? That no matter how long you live, your life keeps getting better than it was before, always deeper into the Life of God, culminating in death and eternity with God?
If you're hopeless, consider this: you don't have to be. The quality of your life (starting spiritually, then working out to every area of life) is in your hands.
do it all, or nothing at all.
of mortals on the earth, who do become
Old in their youth, and die ere middle age,
Without the violence of warlike death;
Some perishing of pleasure, some of study,
Some worn with toil, some of mere weariness,
Some of disease, and some insanity,
And some of wither'd or of broken hearts;
For this last is a malady which slays
More than are number'd in the lists of Fate,
Taking all shapes and bearing many names.
Look upon me! for even of all these things
Have I partaken; and of all these things,
One were enough; then wonder not that I
Am what I am, but that I ever was,
Or having been, that I am still on earth." (Lines 138-154)
The way of life seems to be to grow up fast but die before maturity can be useful, dying without meaning. Where is the passion of life that drives people to true life? So that one might die, not of the pleasure or the 'mere weariness' Byron speaks of, but die in the moment life fully lived? Then we would not so much wonder at people's dull lives and ponder existence, but might appreciate the depth of true life.
"We are all the fools of time and terror: Days
Steal on us and steal from us; yet we live,
Loathing our life, and dreading still to die. x
In all the days of this detested yoke --
This vital weight upon the struggling heart,
Which sinks with sorrow, or beats quick with pain,
or joy that ends in agony or faintness --
in all the days of past and future, for
in life there is no present, we can number
How few, how less than few, wherein the soul
Forbears to pant for death, and yet draws back
As from a stream in winter, though the chill
Be but a moment's. " (Lines 164-177)
This is well stated - days keep sneaking up on us and overtaking us; and they take from us energy, passion, and excitement, yet though bitter towards life we live on, and will not do otherwise, fearing to die. Some days we think it might be easier to die so as to be finished with "the troubles of the world," certainly for Christians we have hope to go "home to live with God, but something keeps us living.
All of Manfred that I have read (which is only some excerpts), lends to the discussion of the meaning of life. Manfred seems to feel that he has reached a spiritual plane that most do not attain to in life, and it gives him a mystic power by which to summon spirits and get his way, and eventually, to choose the moment of his death. It's very interesting, and beautifully written by Byron. It's making me think about the cynicism on life we hear so frequently, yet those that seem to despise their existence would never think to end it with suicide, most likely due to fear. I'm not advising that people sick of life should kill themselves, that's a horrible idea: but it's the same sentiment as those uninformed voters or citizens who don't vote at all yet still gripe about the way the country is run ... if you're not doing your part to make something better, do you really have room to complain about how bad it is?
I don't think so. The same with life: if you are not actively working to make your life BETTER, what gives you the right to complain about how poorly it is going? Because things don't just happen to you, leaving you as a victim in this traumatic experience of living: we all have been given power over our own lives to choose our course. So I would venture to say that if your life is despicable too you, you're probably not free from blame. Do you hate your job? Find another one. Or change your attitude. Did you know that you can improve your mental happiness by some ridiculously high percentage if you train yourself to think positively? But that's not all ... I think the whole thing is summed up in Christ, that even if you have been the victim of something that makes life awful, in Jesus there is freedom from guilt, healing from abuse and trauma, and power for changing and moving on.
Wouldn't it be a legacy of faith to die at the apex of life? That no matter how long you live, your life keeps getting better than it was before, always deeper into the Life of God, culminating in death and eternity with God?
If you're hopeless, consider this: you don't have to be. The quality of your life (starting spiritually, then working out to every area of life) is in your hands.
do it all, or nothing at all.
10.08.2008
:: with my whole heart ::
The phrase of the season. The call of the Lover. The challenge of the beloved.
This has been a phrase heavy on my heart for a few weeks now, ever since Lindz and I did another silent retreat in Hocking Hills. The sense is that for too long I've been half-assing this thing we call "Christianity", that I've been doing it, and maybe doing all the right things, but where has my heart been?
I'm in a British Lit class this quarter, and we just got done reading Wordsworth. In the middle of a horrifically long and seemingly-pointless poem (Tintern Abbey) there is a most beautiful phrase that captured my attention:
...more like a man flying from that which he dreads,
than one who sought the thing that he loved....
This has been a phrase heavy on my heart for a few weeks now, ever since Lindz and I did another silent retreat in Hocking Hills. The sense is that for too long I've been half-assing this thing we call "Christianity", that I've been doing it, and maybe doing all the right things, but where has my heart been?
I'm in a British Lit class this quarter, and we just got done reading Wordsworth. In the middle of a horrifically long and seemingly-pointless poem (Tintern Abbey) there is a most beautiful phrase that captured my attention:
...more like a man flying from that which he dreads,
than one who sought the thing that he loved....
In thinking about these verses, I find that they apply to my walk with the Lord, and pretty much every facet of life. I have been running into Jesus because I dread the things that are chasing me....the sure-brokenness of a life without Christ, the pain of sin, the failure of leaving the faith. So I ran AWAY from those things, not really caring what I was running to except for the fact the it would save me. But the heart there is wrong, yes the direction is right, but the motivation is fear. That won't do, God has not given us a spirit of fear.
So I see that Wordsworth is right, the only way to run to Christ is to seek Him as that which I love with my whole heart, and to run to Him for His inherent beauty, not even caring what may or may not be behind me, scorning any loss, and trusting God to save me even when I do fail.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but I wanted to post about it while it was still fresh. Perhaps there is more to come. For now, homework!!!!! .....with my whole heart?
So I see that Wordsworth is right, the only way to run to Christ is to seek Him as that which I love with my whole heart, and to run to Him for His inherent beauty, not even caring what may or may not be behind me, scorning any loss, and trusting God to save me even when I do fail.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but I wanted to post about it while it was still fresh. Perhaps there is more to come. For now, homework!!!!! .....with my whole heart?
9.22.2008
wouldn't it be cool....
call me dreamer, call me foolish, call me whatever fits your view of me, it doesn't matter what you think of me, I AM has called me loved.
tell me stories, dream up 'wisdom', guide me strictly to your mission for me, i will end up into elsewhere, i will end up where HE IS.
look down on me if you want to, talk bad about me if you need to, I will run the way of His commandments and delight myself in Christ.
That's just the way it is.
~~~~~
Wouldn't it be cool ... to have a huge house and adopt a ton of kids who were abandoned, neglected, unloved, not provided for ... to show them the love of Christ through family and set them on their feet to move on?
Or wouldn't it be cool to foster kids, to catch kids at that rough stage around puberty where life is crazy uncertain even in good families, and to influence them in a positive direction toward Christ by loving them well?
Wouldn't it be cool to have that house be on a ton of land, to have other outbuildings and cottage-type places and open it up as a hospitality center, a place where people can come and rest, receive wisdom and experience the peace and love of God, and be refreshed by fellowship to go back into the world?
Wouldn't it be cool ... to teach in this home and this hospitality center things like music, art, *spanish (I'm just trying to find a way to fit this in, lol), bible, and other things ... that it would be a place where people (the adopted/fostered kids as well as guests) could experiment within themselves and find their giftings?
Wouldn't it be cool to take the money that the government gives foster families for the kids care and put it away in a savings account for that child, so that they have something to help them through college?
Wouldn't it be cool to have a place where random people could feel perfectly at home on holidays when they don't have family to go home to?
Wouldn't it be cool, since I have been blessed to know God as my home, to reach out and be a home to others?
To me ... these things would be SO COOL. In some fashion I hope to walk through all of these cool things during my life: God is totally big enough for dreams!
Joachim, from Germany, worked as a piano builder,
29 years old:
"To see girls who have been through so much trauma
and abuse now with good self-esteem and dreaming again
about the future is one of the most beautiful things
I've ever seen."
tell me stories, dream up 'wisdom', guide me strictly to your mission for me, i will end up into elsewhere, i will end up where HE IS.
look down on me if you want to, talk bad about me if you need to, I will run the way of His commandments and delight myself in Christ.
That's just the way it is.
~~~~~
Wouldn't it be cool ... to have a huge house and adopt a ton of kids who were abandoned, neglected, unloved, not provided for ... to show them the love of Christ through family and set them on their feet to move on?
Or wouldn't it be cool to foster kids, to catch kids at that rough stage around puberty where life is crazy uncertain even in good families, and to influence them in a positive direction toward Christ by loving them well?
Wouldn't it be cool to have that house be on a ton of land, to have other outbuildings and cottage-type places and open it up as a hospitality center, a place where people can come and rest, receive wisdom and experience the peace and love of God, and be refreshed by fellowship to go back into the world?
Wouldn't it be cool ... to teach in this home and this hospitality center things like music, art, *spanish (I'm just trying to find a way to fit this in, lol), bible, and other things ... that it would be a place where people (the adopted/fostered kids as well as guests) could experiment within themselves and find their giftings?
Wouldn't it be cool to take the money that the government gives foster families for the kids care and put it away in a savings account for that child, so that they have something to help them through college?
Wouldn't it be cool to have a place where random people could feel perfectly at home on holidays when they don't have family to go home to?
Wouldn't it be cool, since I have been blessed to know God as my home, to reach out and be a home to others?
To me ... these things would be SO COOL. In some fashion I hope to walk through all of these cool things during my life: God is totally big enough for dreams!
Joachim, from Germany, worked as a piano builder,
29 years old:
"To see girls who have been through so much trauma
and abuse now with good self-esteem and dreaming again
about the future is one of the most beautiful things
I've ever seen."
9.21.2008
a new era - general update on life
The small group I've belonged to for 3 years was also the fellowship group of my dear friend Sarah. Sarah and I have grown quite close in this past year especially, as God put us together when we each needed a Christ-following, female friend. Since we've become almost inseparable, people have taken to calling us "skara" (Sarah + Kara), and as much as we are each trying to follow God independently of each other, somehow at the end of this summer we both realized God was calling us out of this particular group a fellowship into something new.
Our last Tuesday with the Young Adult group was also the 'recognition' Tuesday for a set of new assistant leaders that Chris brought on, Mark and Tara. We all kind of laughed that with "Skara" leaving and Tara coming, it was a new "era" (-ara) in the life of the small group.
Play on words, I know. But I needed an opening story and I find it humorous.
Anyways, that is one season in life that has come to an end for me, the season being involved with that church. I've started going to my parents church in Lancaster, and am so enjoying the people and environment there, and waiting for God to show me how to get involved.
Also, school starts on Wednesday, which I'm really looking forward to. I'm taking Spanish 450 (my last pre-req!!!! praise God!), Hebrew 241 (not a language class, but a culture GEC), and English 202. Lord willing, this time next year I will be entering my last quarter of college.
This leads me to throw around options of how to do life for the next 15-16 months. Do I continue working where I've worked for over a year, a job that I love with people I'm quite fond of, where I've experienced God's favor in amazing ways? That would mean I continue to take only classes that fit my work schedule, vastly limiting my college experience. The other option is to find another job at the end of the year (a thought that is daunting, though a little exciting) that would let me work a few nights and Saturdays so that I could take morning classes? That would open up an entirely different world of options for my academic career, and it's what I'm leaning towards.
All of these new eras -- thinking about what to do post-graduation, thinking about how to spend time now, wanting to volunteer different places, meet new people, serve people in need, share the love of Christ: wanting to get out of myself and into the world and see what God does with me. I don't care if it's cleaning toilets or singing harmony, or teaching children, or smiling at strangers: I just want to be obedient, and to be useful.
This is a new era. All of this time since DTS has been quite introspective, trying to figure out what's still wrong with me that needs fixing, why my brain has been giving me grief, where God is leading me ... all very me-centered. God's bringing a new season into life, one I'm so thankful for! - I still don't know what it looks like but I'm stoked to move on.
So, in large part I wanted to write because I haven't written for some time, and there's a chance that someone still reads this (Sarah -- you don't count, you know me inside and out already!) ... if you're reading, hey! Welcome! And thanks. Shoot me an email and let me know how life is in your world....
in Christ,
Kara
Our last Tuesday with the Young Adult group was also the 'recognition' Tuesday for a set of new assistant leaders that Chris brought on, Mark and Tara. We all kind of laughed that with "Skara" leaving and Tara coming, it was a new "era" (-ara) in the life of the small group.
Play on words, I know. But I needed an opening story and I find it humorous.
Anyways, that is one season in life that has come to an end for me, the season being involved with that church. I've started going to my parents church in Lancaster, and am so enjoying the people and environment there, and waiting for God to show me how to get involved.
Also, school starts on Wednesday, which I'm really looking forward to. I'm taking Spanish 450 (my last pre-req!!!! praise God!), Hebrew 241 (not a language class, but a culture GEC), and English 202. Lord willing, this time next year I will be entering my last quarter of college.
This leads me to throw around options of how to do life for the next 15-16 months. Do I continue working where I've worked for over a year, a job that I love with people I'm quite fond of, where I've experienced God's favor in amazing ways? That would mean I continue to take only classes that fit my work schedule, vastly limiting my college experience. The other option is to find another job at the end of the year (a thought that is daunting, though a little exciting) that would let me work a few nights and Saturdays so that I could take morning classes? That would open up an entirely different world of options for my academic career, and it's what I'm leaning towards.
All of these new eras -- thinking about what to do post-graduation, thinking about how to spend time now, wanting to volunteer different places, meet new people, serve people in need, share the love of Christ: wanting to get out of myself and into the world and see what God does with me. I don't care if it's cleaning toilets or singing harmony, or teaching children, or smiling at strangers: I just want to be obedient, and to be useful.
This is a new era. All of this time since DTS has been quite introspective, trying to figure out what's still wrong with me that needs fixing, why my brain has been giving me grief, where God is leading me ... all very me-centered. God's bringing a new season into life, one I'm so thankful for! - I still don't know what it looks like but I'm stoked to move on.
So, in large part I wanted to write because I haven't written for some time, and there's a chance that someone still reads this (Sarah -- you don't count, you know me inside and out already!) ... if you're reading, hey! Welcome! And thanks. Shoot me an email and let me know how life is in your world....
in Christ,
Kara
8.06.2008
I'm dyslexic.
I’m dyslexic. I’m sure of it actually, well no that’s really a lie. But it feels like I am some days! The more I work with sets of 4 and 5 digit numbers (account numbers at work), having to write them after seeing them on a screen, or having to type them after looking at a piece of paper, the more it seems like I keep jumbling them up and just switching the numbers, always ending up at the wrong account. It’s so odd, because I’m a great reader and speller, so I know it’s not really true, but just today when I tried to access my blog I typed in psalm72-38, not 73-28. Simple switch, but there’s a world of a difference.
I probably do this with God too… you know, He gives me one set of information and I make one subtle substitution that maybe I don’t even notice, but then I end up at a completely different spot than I had expected. I’m left wondering, oh my, how did we get HERE?
Take quiet times, ‘por ejemplo’ (hehe, I’ll work in some Spanish yet!). Of late time has been shorter than I’d like, but I still try to spend some time in the word each day. But in all areas of life right now, although I have a strong sense that God is near, I do not feel Him break through into my day. I’ve had so many mountain top experiences that sometimes I feel entitled to them … but the presence of God is always a gift, never a duty. So I guess my question is, is this the positioning of the Lord to have me where I don’t feel Him (for His unknown to me glory), or is it a form of spiritual dyslexia? Am I just getting myself a tad jumbled trying to sort through everything, therefore leaving me just missing the direct connection? It’s like those annoying computer cords to devices, the ones where you don’t know which hole it goes into in the back so you just have to keep trying to find the perfect connection. I’m trying to plug myself in to Jesus with a solid connection, but all of the ports are either in use, temporarily broken, or untried.
None of the normal ports are working. I’ve been plugged in before, but the connection is bad right now, and sometimes I try to go wireless, but I wasn’t made with a wireless card, so that doesn’t work either. I know that here I am, the device, and there God is; the master computer, and that there is/are cord(s) that go from Him to me, me to Him. Either I don’t have the right cord, or I just haven’t found the right place to plug in.
I guess it’s not quite spiritual dyslexia, not in the way I explained it at least. But it’s where I’m at. I don’t like it one bit!!! Fortunately for me, God is far more committed to my ‘success’ than I am: “Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.” –1 Thessalonians 5.24
Thank God, He will come and fix my connection problems, in His good time.
I probably do this with God too… you know, He gives me one set of information and I make one subtle substitution that maybe I don’t even notice, but then I end up at a completely different spot than I had expected. I’m left wondering, oh my, how did we get HERE?
Take quiet times, ‘por ejemplo’ (hehe, I’ll work in some Spanish yet!). Of late time has been shorter than I’d like, but I still try to spend some time in the word each day. But in all areas of life right now, although I have a strong sense that God is near, I do not feel Him break through into my day. I’ve had so many mountain top experiences that sometimes I feel entitled to them … but the presence of God is always a gift, never a duty. So I guess my question is, is this the positioning of the Lord to have me where I don’t feel Him (for His unknown to me glory), or is it a form of spiritual dyslexia? Am I just getting myself a tad jumbled trying to sort through everything, therefore leaving me just missing the direct connection? It’s like those annoying computer cords to devices, the ones where you don’t know which hole it goes into in the back so you just have to keep trying to find the perfect connection. I’m trying to plug myself in to Jesus with a solid connection, but all of the ports are either in use, temporarily broken, or untried.
None of the normal ports are working. I’ve been plugged in before, but the connection is bad right now, and sometimes I try to go wireless, but I wasn’t made with a wireless card, so that doesn’t work either. I know that here I am, the device, and there God is; the master computer, and that there is/are cord(s) that go from Him to me, me to Him. Either I don’t have the right cord, or I just haven’t found the right place to plug in.
I guess it’s not quite spiritual dyslexia, not in the way I explained it at least. But it’s where I’m at. I don’t like it one bit!!! Fortunately for me, God is far more committed to my ‘success’ than I am: “Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.” –1 Thessalonians 5.24
Thank God, He will come and fix my connection problems, in His good time.
7.17.2008
From:The Confessions of Saint Augustine
CHAPTER IV
4. What, therefore, is my God? What, I ask, but the Lord
God? "For who is Lord but the Lord himself, or who is God besides
our God?"[13] Most high, most excellent, most potent, most
omnipotent; most merciful and most just; most secret and most
truly present; most beautiful and most strong; stable, yet not
supported; unchangeable, yet changing all things; never new, never
old; making all things new, yet bringing old age upon the proud,
and they know it not; always working, ever at rest; gathering, yet
needing nothing; sustaining, pervading, and protecting; creating,
nourishing, and developing; seeking, and yet possessing all
things. Thou dost love, but without passion; art jealous, yet
free from care; dost repent without remorse; art angry, yet
remainest serene. Thou changest thy ways, leaving thy plans
unchanged; thou recoverest what thou hast never really lost. Thou
art never in need but still thou dost rejoice at thy gains; art
never greedy, yet demandest dividends. Men pay more than is
required so that thou dost become a debtor; yet who can possess
anything at all which is not already thine? Thou owest men
nothing, yet payest out to them as if in debt to thy creature, and
when thou dost cancel debts thou losest nothing thereby. Yet, O
my God, my life, my holy Joy, what is this that I have said? What
can any man say when he speaks of thee? But woe to them that keep
silence -- since even those who say most are dumb.
(http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/ipb-e/epl-01/agcon-02.txt)
7.13.2008
Precious.
"You cannot show the preciousness of a person by being happy with his gifts. Ingratitude will certainly prove that the giver is not loved. But gratitude for gifts does not prove that the giver is precious. What proves that the giver is precious is the glad-hearted readiness to leave all his gifts to be with him. This is why suffering is so central in the mission of the church. The goal of our mission is that people form the nations worship the true God. But worship means cherishing the preciousness of God above all else, including life itself. It will be very hard to bring the nations to love God from a lifestyle that communicates a love of things. Therefore, God ordains in the lives of his messengers that suffering sever our bondage to the world. When joy and love survive this severing, we are fit to say to the nations with authenticity and power: hope in God."
-John Piper, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, 109
(emphasis added)
"Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
-Jesus, Matthew 5.11-12
What is precious? To you, personally; to me? What has highest value in our lives, what is our deepest longing, our determined goal? I examine my heart, and find ashamedly that Jesus is not precious to me. Not really, deep down, beautifully precious.
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it."
-Jesus, Matthew 13.44-46
Worthy. Worth every sacrifice, worth complete surrender, worth it.
Sell-outs. Misfits. Counter-cultural. Not mainstream. Stupidly generous. Ridiculously joy-filled.
In love.
Isn't this what we should be called?
Prisoners. Persecuted. Hated. Despised.
Isn't this what we should be?
If Jesus is precious, if He and His kingdom have highest value in the universe, how does that change our hearts?
-John Piper, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, 109
(emphasis added)
"Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
-Jesus, Matthew 5.11-12
What is precious? To you, personally; to me? What has highest value in our lives, what is our deepest longing, our determined goal? I examine my heart, and find ashamedly that Jesus is not precious to me. Not really, deep down, beautifully precious.
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it."
-Jesus, Matthew 13.44-46
Worthy. Worth every sacrifice, worth complete surrender, worth it.
Sell-outs. Misfits. Counter-cultural. Not mainstream. Stupidly generous. Ridiculously joy-filled.
In love.
Isn't this what we should be called?
Prisoners. Persecuted. Hated. Despised.
Isn't this what we should be?
If Jesus is precious, if He and His kingdom have highest value in the universe, how does that change our hearts?
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