I'm dyslexic.

I’m dyslexic. I’m sure of it actually, well no that’s really a lie. But it feels like I am some days! The more I work with sets of 4 and 5 digit numbers (account numbers at work), having to write them after seeing them on a screen, or having to type them after looking at a piece of paper, the more it seems like I keep jumbling them up and just switching the numbers, always ending up at the wrong account. It’s so odd, because I’m a great reader and speller, so I know it’s not really true, but just today when I tried to access my blog I typed in psalm72-38, not 73-28. Simple switch, but there’s a world of a difference.

I probably do this with God too… you know, He gives me one set of information and I make one subtle substitution that maybe I don’t even notice, but then I end up at a completely different spot than I had expected. I’m left wondering, oh my, how did we get HERE?

Take quiet times, ‘por ejemplo’ (hehe, I’ll work in some Spanish yet!). Of late time has been shorter than I’d like, but I still try to spend some time in the word each day. But in all areas of life right now, although I have a strong sense that God is near, I do not feel Him break through into my day. I’ve had so many mountain top experiences that sometimes I feel entitled to them … but the presence of God is always a gift, never a duty. So I guess my question is, is this the positioning of the Lord to have me where I don’t feel Him (for His unknown to me glory), or is it a form of spiritual dyslexia? Am I just getting myself a tad jumbled trying to sort through everything, therefore leaving me just missing the direct connection? It’s like those annoying computer cords to devices, the ones where you don’t know which hole it goes into in the back so you just have to keep trying to find the perfect connection. I’m trying to plug myself in to Jesus with a solid connection, but all of the ports are either in use, temporarily broken, or untried.

None of the normal ports are working. I’ve been plugged in before, but the connection is bad right now, and sometimes I try to go wireless, but I wasn’t made with a wireless card, so that doesn’t work either. I know that here I am, the device, and there God is; the master computer, and that there is/are cord(s) that go from Him to me, me to Him. Either I don’t have the right cord, or I just haven’t found the right place to plug in.

I guess it’s not quite spiritual dyslexia, not in the way I explained it at least. But it’s where I’m at. I don’t like it one bit!!! Fortunately for me, God is far more committed to my ‘success’ than I am: “Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.” –1 Thessalonians 5.24
Thank God, He will come and fix my connection problems, in His good time.