a few more thoughts that are even less important than whether it is raining in Patagonia.

A real update follows.

Welcome to the last day of October! Today has been a nice day so far. i went to school, actually got out of the house on time which is remarkable these days. i have been tired for almost 2 weeks straight so it's getting harder and harder to drag myself out of bed and get out of the house in the mornings. But God's speed was with me this morning and i was on my way by 730. i was able to read a little bit this morning from 2nd Timothy. i guess i read the whole thing but i was distracted because i thought i had broken my camera. turns out the batteries were dead, and once i switched them back at home it works fine! yay God!

i finished my latin homework then sat through class, it's way fun to study latin. everyone should do it. then i made my way over to Founders Hall for Psych 100. it's a fun class, the prof is cool, and we always get out early. today we were out by 1130 but i had to walk through the mistiness to my car. drove home, posted a few different things and wrote some emails, then started studying for my exam thursday when my big brother #3 calls. he and jeff are going out to lunch and i'm invited! so i hop in my car and drive to Chipotle. turns out if you wear tinfoil to chipotle on halloween they give you a free burrito, but nobody told me that so i had to pay for mine. we ate, then i stopped to get some candy in case someone actually comes to our house for trick or treat (nobody EVER does).

and since then, i've been home, watching a movie and surfing the net. found some cool sites of people who have been where i'm going (click here) (or here) (or here), and rediscovered a cool video. i will be studying later, and doing bookwork, and possibly tinkering around on the old ivories. and if no one comes to our house for trick or treat i'll be eating candy! yay for candy!

as far as YWAM goes, things are going well. i've talked to the registrar personally, which was fun times, and have received the information packet. it's so weird to think that i'll be leaving here in 68 days. yikes. preparations are coming well, support is coming in, and God is preparing my heart. Thanks so much to you if you are one who is praying for my journey! i absolutely appreciate it with all my heart.

here's to November! blessings.

k

"quotes"

“There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way” -- C.S. Lewis

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” -- C.S. Lewis

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -- C.S. Lewis

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” -- Mother Teresa

“I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.” -- Unknown

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -- Mother Teresa

“We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be” -- C.S. Lewis

“God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way” -- Leighton Ford

“We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.” - Charles C. West

something from nothing

i like this picture. it's kind of weird, but it's still cool. i like vitamin water. it tastes good. supposedly it's good for me too. i liked this weekend. went to Spontane Deuce with the young adults from the church. we had fun. marshmallow fights, walking in the mud with (the rocking female) young leu, cards, chili, talking, etc... . you name it. breaking brownie pans. oh yeah.

i'm liking this day. a little dreary, just a tad rainy, but it's a good day. got out of class nice and early and made it home with some time to kill! so here i am killing it. updates.....hmm....here we go:

ahem. i've officially been accepted to DTS in Chico, starting January 8th (i get to skip town on the 7th). i also received the packet just yesterday in the mail, the packet talking about rules and what to bring and what i'll be doing. it's fun.

it's also incredibly scary. i can't believe i'm actually going to leave my home, my home of all my life and love, and move to california for 5 months. well, 3 months, then somewhere even further for 2 months. i'm trying to get my mind around my changing reality, but i have to stay focused for the realities i'm in right now. i've got school going on, with like 3 tests a week depending on the week and class, and it's crazy. i've got the Middle-High retreat this weekend, the Young Adults' was last weekend, i've got homework out my ears that i should be doing, but there are things that i'd rather do.

like spend time with the people i love that i must leave behind shortly. thus said, i abandoned my homework sunday afternoon for a wonderful afternoon with some friends. thus said, i'm going to abandon my homework yet again this afternoon for lunch with my brother and his best friend. someday it will probably catch up with me, let's say week 8. but right now, it's week 6. i'm going to live in week 6.

so this update is really boring. i can't imagine i'll have a whole lot more to say once i go away, but hopefully God will put words on my heart that will mean something to someone other than just me. we'll see! i guess this is goodbye till i have something more important to write!!

buenas tardes. au revoir! tata.

"A Sonnet of Sonnets, #6" -- Christina Rossetti

Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke, --
i love, as you would have me, God the most;
would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look,
unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though i be the feeblest of God's host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with his crook.
Yet while I love God the most, I deem
that I can never love you over-much;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not Him,
I cannot love Him, if I love not you.

Worlds Apart -- Jars of Clay

i am the only one to blame for this
somehow it all ends up the same
soaring on the wings of selfish pride
i flew too high and like a charus i collide

with a world i try so hard to leave behind
to rid myself of all but love, to give and die

to turn away and not become
another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
of a world embracing every heartache

can i be the one to sacrifice
or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

to love you -- take my world apart
to need you -- i am on my knees
to love you -- take my world apart
to need you -- broken on my knees

all said and done i stand alone
amongst remains of a life i should not own
it takes all i am to believe
in the mercy that covers me

did you really have to die for me

all i am for all you are
because what i need and what i believe are worlds apart

manifest actions and latent meanings

i guess i should just come out and tell you
there's more to me than meets the naked eye
maybe i hide too much of the other
but my two lives? both must soon surely die

meeting me on the street you will find
ill seldom tell if ive had a bad day
but my intermittent savageries
are screaming what i really want to say

so i need to write about life and death
upon examining most of my words
you may find an inconsistency there
you may think my mind has gone to the birds

sure, in person i am sweet i am mild
only some know when my life's getting rough
do you think that my words are too heavy?
i don't mind. listen: i can't get enough.

writing darkness brings to light all the blazing things i hide
you know me? well i think not. you only know one side.

don't you know who i am?

"time is flying and dragging simultaneously." "no wonder everyone in college is so confused."

It is hard to believe that October is on its way out of the year. It's the 25th people! i love it because i am counting down till school's out for the quarter. . . this is the 5th full week so i am almost halfway done. And doing well! another reason i am excited that october is almost over is because it's another month closer to DTS.

but that means it's another month closer to DTS. what am i doing? i am really going away! i got the call today from Chico saying that i was officially accepted. i grinned, and chuckled a little, but nothing really changed. i already knew i was going. this is right and this is good. i promise.

but it is strange to think about life in the community i'm leaving. is it best for them if i am not here for 5 months? are there things that God needs to teach them without me here? or is all of this just for me and my life? i refuse to believe that, especially after reading Isaiah 48.11 last week. No. God acts for His purposes and His name's sake. i just happen to be involved, that's all. along for a sweet sweet ride.

i am having fun this week.
i'm a little less tired!
i am feeling a little less weak
but not quite feeling inspired.
i am happy to be here
but happy to be going away
i am glad that God is near
no matter where i stay.
i am happy to know you
and i'm happy that you know me
as happy as the watery blue
that's happy to be in the sea.
i'm ecstatic to feel some things
i've been feeling over again
i am eternally waiting and hoping:
i don't want to stay where i've been!
for a moment i'm quietly satisfied
and this moment i'll savor with time
slowly myself is being crucified
but i am happy to die.

Christ's call is to come and die. die to self, die to the world, die to sin. what a demanding call. i am really excited for the opportunity to give it all away, forsake all i know, for the knowledge of Christ. i hope your weeks are filled with Christ's words spoken to your hearts and minds. be blessed.

peace out --

k

Isaiah 48.10-11

Wow! so things are moving along rather rapidly......................wow.

"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; i have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I will act; for how can My name be profaned? and My glory I will not give to another." Isaiah 48.10-11

This whole DTS thing is about so much for than just me. Everything is about more than me. of course! if and when God acts, it is for HIS sake, not just mine. i pray that i will glorify Christ by becoming so like Him that my prayers are in line with what God was planning for His sake anyways. Those are the prayers that i want answered. i don't want any selfish prayers answered, i want to be able to count on the fact that when God acts it is for His sake and is a statement of what He is about.

so apparently He is all about me going to YWAM.

do you know how much i will pay for my airplane tickets to california? $$zero$$.

and it rocks not just because it's one less thing that I have to furnish, it rocks because it proves to me (as confirmation) that God is working to get me to YWAM. it's not just my doing that will get me there, and it's not just so 'i will learn' or so 'i will be changed'. oh no. this is for God's glory. for His name's sake. For His own sake alone. He has purposes that i can't fathom. that's part of what is so scary.

sure, i will learn and be changed in the process, but God works for His sake and for His name and His kingdom and His renown. may glory be attributed to God in my words and actions and life. may i die to myself daily so that He will live more fully in me.

peace until next time the sun shines so brightly.....

k

NEWS! Breaking news. . .

um. . .my friends: i have made my decision. januray 6 i embark for California! Chico, to be exact. after a lot of prayer i have decided that Mexico is not the place for my DTS, but DTS is still the place for me! so Chico was discovered and i'm all signed up, and very excited. things are finally starting to come together.

a verse that i believe God has been speaking to my spirit concerning DTS is Ezekiel 40.4:
The man said to me, "Son of man, see with your eyes, hear with your ears, and give attention to all that I am going to show you; for you have been brought here in order to show {it} to you. Declare to the house of Israel all that you see."

so i'll keep you posted. be blessed!

when you are gone, i

boston pictures

i got to play a $93,000 Steinway in Boston...how sweet is that?






















me beside a weed-o's jewerly stand. T wouldn't let me buy earrings. . .