girls girls girls. what are we doing?

i'm frustrated. no wonder things are as bad as they are, and are continuing to get worse.

1) in obvious facts we are dealing with humanity which = sin. ok i understand that.
but . . .
2) we are digging ourselves deeper. and i don't mean for a better swimming pool. oh no. we'll be buried alive.

i see girls, crying out vocally, in writing, and in actions -- for love. for something more than their fathers, their brothers, or their boyfriends are giving or could ever give.

these girls' names are . . .

"do you think i'm beautiful?"
"am i valuable to you? to anyone?"
"will you love me unconditionally?"
"can i just be myself?"
"what will it take to be satisfied?"

and they dress for success, or so they believe, selling their bodies for a drop of approval, recognition, attention, and love. but they are never filled. it is not enough!

no, girls, we will never be filled. i feel what you feel! we are in this together! and even the right way is hard. but i believe emphatically that NOTHING on earth that we think we want or need will satisfy us. ever.

girls, we are designed with a longing for intimacy and love. we crave that approval and acceptance beyond all else. but when we receive it from humans it is not all that we thought it would be, and we are still empty. scripture points to this a few times. for now:

in Genesis, after adam and eve sinned, there was a curse placed on mankind upon his exit from the garden of Eden. for the ladies, it went something like this:

to the woman He (God) said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Genesis 3.16

our desire is for husbands, for a noble man who will make it his chief aim to love and cherish us and bring us closer to Christ's place for women who follow Him. for a man who will provide, and keep us safe, and hold us, and guide us into holiness. for a man who we can then turn our love towards in respect, admiration, and nurturing -- with encouragement to better him as a disciple of Christ. this girls, is within our heart's desire. at least within mine. (and i think you'll agree)

but, there aren't too many happily-ever-after fairytale-love-stories floating around out there. this is a perfect example of what God meant when he said, 'your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." listen girls: we'll never get what we want.

at least not like we think we will. we crave something that men do not crave and therefore have no power to fulfill, it is our frustration as women on the earth. it is the result of our deep sin nature.

but it is also a mark of who we are as God's beautiful creation that we crave something deeper than humanity can ever fill. ladies, our deepest longings are for God alone. and let me tell you with experiential knowledge: God is ENOUGH.
i promise. you've heard it before but i will tell you again, God is the only one who can EVER satisfy us at our deepest points. and He is big enough to do so every day of our lives.

and i am just coming to learn this for myself. i didn't believe it either! but here i am, and i have nothing that i want, have wanted, or have asked for.

and yet i am satifsied.

wait for it. guard your hearts. pursue Christ's love. it is worth it.

-- peace sisters --

sigh with relief. things are back to good.

because girl's weekends are incredible! i just got back last night from a trip to Boston with my two sister/cousins. to the Sisterhood of the Cousins! we shout. it was an amazing time of fellowship, fun, and laughter. you too!

sigh. so many good memories will stay with me forever from the last 5 days. and though my decisions about the future have not been made, i am closer to peace and things are back to good in my soul. i still don't know anything. but i hope in Christ. He is. amazing, isn't it?

**************************************************

'do you not say, "there are yet four months, and then comes the harvest? behold, i say to you, life up your eyes and look on the the fields, that they are white for harvest. already he who reaps is receiving wages and is gathering fruit for life eternal; so that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together. i sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored an dyou have entered into their labor." ' John 4.35-38.

september. october. november. december.

january. then comes the harvest? no. it's here. i'm done with waiting for january to let God work in my life. there are things to be doing now.

and i tried to upload pictures from Boston, but to no avail. maybe later. peace!

i only stopped. . . . .to look.

this goes out to all of those
who extend their arms of open love
to me upon me blowing my nose.

out come all my flowing tears
upon their shirts and couches and homes
they listen intently to all my fears.

this one's for you, my dearest friends
opening hearts and homes and minds
and pushing me straight when i start to bend.

thank you for laughs! and thank you for love
thank you for food and for warmth and for prayers
of your friendship: i can't get enough.

***********

oh and thanks for the tissues. it means the world. peace out.

and the word in the morning is. . .

believe.

as Shane & Shane put it in one of their songs,

'can't you just believe?'

for me today, this is what i need. to just believe. want to believe with me?

should i stay or should i go

taking time.

because decisions are big, and scary. because i'm seriously rethinking everything. because i thought i'd went through all of this already! goodness.

it is indeed a good thing for me that God promises to be near. it's true that His nearness to me is my only good.

i wish someone would just tell me what i should do, and make me do it. i think i could be happy. i wish God would just tell me what i should do, and make me do it. then i'd be really happy.
perhaps He has. perhaps He's waiting. perhaps it's my turn.

and what i thought i wanted? i realized this week that it scares me more than i thought it did. and i'm trying to get out of it. devising ways to go elsewhere, and be happier. why am i even going?

ask me some questions, i will tell you no lies. i need to face myself and deal with this.

give me some time to slow myself down,
and i will resolve within
quieting riotous belligerent lies
and listening.
is it fear? is it truth? is this the way i am?
or is running what you'd call this
and should i stay. . . and go?
my resources, but i gave them away
and emptier of control
i'm left, in riches of stress and sand
remembering.
remind me when i forget You!
remind me when i'm lost
bring me back this first place
and speak
in the silence
in the darkness
in the sunshine
speak volumes
i'll be silent
in darkness
or in sunshine

i will attempt to never again
malign Your character
with my 'defining' phrases.
You're still too deep for words.