taking time.

because decisions are big, and scary. because i'm seriously rethinking everything. because i thought i'd went through all of this already! goodness.

it is indeed a good thing for me that God promises to be near. it's true that His nearness to me is my only good.

i wish someone would just tell me what i should do, and make me do it. i think i could be happy. i wish God would just tell me what i should do, and make me do it. then i'd be really happy.
perhaps He has. perhaps He's waiting. perhaps it's my turn.

and what i thought i wanted? i realized this week that it scares me more than i thought it did. and i'm trying to get out of it. devising ways to go elsewhere, and be happier. why am i even going?

ask me some questions, i will tell you no lies. i need to face myself and deal with this.

give me some time to slow myself down,
and i will resolve within
quieting riotous belligerent lies
and listening.
is it fear? is it truth? is this the way i am?
or is running what you'd call this
and should i stay. . . and go?
my resources, but i gave them away
and emptier of control
i'm left, in riches of stress and sand
remembering.
remind me when i forget You!
remind me when i'm lost
bring me back this first place
and speak
in the silence
in the darkness
in the sunshine
speak volumes
i'll be silent
in darkness
or in sunshine

i will attempt to never again
malign Your character
with my 'defining' phrases.
You're still too deep for words.