another morning dawns. finally one where waking is sweet and sleeping has resulted in a state of well-restedness. and it’s a day off, too. bonus. writing calls because it’s been over a week since there was a new post. is busyness too overwhelming to leave ample time to write? maybe. is it that there is nothing to say? not really. . .. could it be that laziness is setting in? that’s probably it. who’s to say?
this morning was weird because everyone around was falling apart but it didn’t hit my door. nothing new here. except that there’s 19 days left till leaving. maybe the destruction will find me soon and result in some more falling apart.
everyone keeps asking me about my excitement level. “Kara, are you excited?” sure. then there’s this awkward silence so out come all the nervous feelings about leaving for YWAM: how i’m excited but super scared and a little anxious. then they look at me like my words are abnormal or something. it’s weird. then they encourage me, which is great because i always like encouragement, but it feels like i was forced into expressing frustration that i wasn’t passionately feeling and then receiving encouragement that i have known intimately already. so it all seems pointless.
the truth? i don’t often feel overwhelmed with fright over this. sometimes, but not often. i still don’t walk around in a state of freaking because my life changes drastically in 19 days. it’s easier for me to just not think about leaving and at this point i don’t really have to think about it. i’m excited, but not passionately. i’m scared, but not overwhelmed. perhaps:
“i am pressed but not perplexed, persecuted, not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. i am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure that His joy is going to be my strength.” it’s all rather peaceful right now.
so if you ask me if i’m excited i’ll say yes. i won’t expound, unless you keep looking at me like i need to. : ) i just don’t have that much to say! sorry.
in other news, i have this week as my last at Kroger. it'll be nice to not be working after Christmas Eve. the time off will be crazy but hopefully relaxing. it's all coming down to the wire! truthfully, i don't even know how i feel about leaving for YWAM. that's probably the reason for the awkward silences when people ask. there just aren't words yet to describe it. i'll let you know when there are.
oh, and there should be snow. like, now. i'm just saying.
things that always need to be said? God is all. the nearness of God is our good. let us press on to know Him, let us press hard into Him: surely at the coming of the Lord, He will respond. i need to be reminded of the weight of His glory, and the breadth of His immenseness. because THAT changes everything. love came down at Christmas. . .the Love of God to man. Jesus Christ is Love incarnate, and the restoration that our souls long for. let's look for God, ask to see Him, and be changed.
merry Christmas.
No comments:
Post a Comment