I run to you, God; I run for dear life.
Don’t let me down! Take me seriously this time!
Get down on my level and listen, and please -- no procrastination!
Your granite cave a hiding place, your high cliff aerie a place of safety.
You’re my cave to hide in, my cliff to climb.
Be my safe leader, be my true mountain guide.
Free me from hidden traps; I want to hide in you.
I’ve put my life in your hands.
You won’t drop me, you’ll never let me down.
I hate all this silly religion, but you, God, I trust.
I’m leaping and singing in the circle of your love;
you saw my pain, you disarmed my tormentors,
you didn’t leave me in their clutches but gave me room to breathe.
Be kind to me, God -- I’m in deep, deep trouble again.
I’ve cried my eyes out; I feel hollow inside.
My life leaks away, groan by groan; my years fade out in sighs.
My troubles have worn me out, turned my bones to powder.
To my enemies I’m a monster; I’m ridiculed by the neighbors.
My friends are horrified; they cross the street to avoid me.
They want to blot me from memory, forget me like a corpse in a grave,
discard me like a broken dish in the trash.
The street-talk gossip has me “criminally insane”!
Behind locked doors they plot how to ruin me for good.
Desperate, I throw myself on you: you are my God!
Hour by hour I place my days in your hand, safe from the hands out to get me.
Warm me, your servant, with a smile; save me because you love me.
Don’t embarrass me by not showing up; I’ve given you plenty of notice.
Embarrass the wicked, stand them up,
leave them stupidly shaking their heads as they drift down to hell.
Gag those loudmouthed liars who heckle me, your follower, with jeers and catcalls.
What a stack of blessing you have piled up for those who worship you,
ready and waiting for all who run to you to escape an unkind world.
You hide them safely away from the opposition.
As you slam the door on those oily, mocking faces, you silence the poisonous gossip
Blessed God! His love is the wonder of the world.
Trapped by a siege, I panicked.
“Out of sight, out of mind,” I said.
But you heard me say it, you heard and listened.
Love God, all you saints; God takes care of all who stay close to him,
but he pays back in full those arrogant enough to go it alone.
Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up.
Expect God to get here soon.
Good morning, one month later. I have been longing to write but haven’t felt reason to do so, haven’t felt there was anything that I had to say. But that’s ok, if I never again have something to say; that’s ok. Because God has things to say, and I can just be quiet.
Well, I won’t lie. It’s hard being home, not because home is a hard place but because I’m at a hard place. It’d probably be hard to be anywhere right now, and I just have to accept that. I think the hardest part is feeling alone: DTS provides this iron-strong community that is difficult to leave once you’ve been in it. Please understand, I don’t wish to be back in DTS, or in
There are lots of things I’m working on doing, like getting a job for starters. But for the kingdom. Unfortunately, things seem to be happening very slowly. I say that I am here for the foreseeable future, and that is true. A part of me thinks and hopes it won’t be too long.
With those random things said, I had it on my heart to post this Psalm this morning. As I struggle through loneliness and frustration and faith, the Psalms are becoming more dear to me because they say the things I want to say but don’t know how, they put words in my mouth for me when my mouth won’t even open. This is a Psalm I read this morning, and the Holy Spirit (our comforter) used it to comfort my soul. I’m a little more at peace than I was waking up, a little more joyful, but still relatively quiet. That’s something that usually doesn’t last long so we’ll see what God is up to in it.
The day is still young, and God is at work in it. I wonder what He is doing today . . .
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